Why Christmas Means So Much To Me

I have wanted to write so much more about Christmas than I have had time to. My heart is drawn to Christ during this time, more so than any other. I have found myself thinking more and more of Him who we celebrate. But, the thing I have thought most about is the fact that we barely celebrate Him at all.



If you took a survey about Christmas, especially among Christians, you would hear that it is the season in which we celebrate His birth. Yet, so much of the things going on around me have very little to do with Him.



It saddens me.

I have kids and I get so excited about buying them things. I look forward to seeing them showered with gifts on Christmas morning. We talk alot about their wish list almost daily and I'm so thankful for a time when I can focus on them in a way I'm not able to other times of the year.



But, what does any of that have to do with Christ?



Everything!!

Why do I shower them in gifts every December 25th? Is it because Santa deemed them worthy and I got the go ahead from him? Could they have possibly been good enough to earn such wealth of things? And what exactly is "good enough". What is the standard there?

I can tell you it is not because anyone deemed them good, it is not because they earned it, and it certainly is not because they met the standard of any man on this earth. I hope they never aim to meet the standards of the world. It is because I love them the way Christ loves me and it is because He gave me the greatest gift I could ever ask for........His life.

You see, I could never be good enough, could never earn what I've been given, could never meet the standards set for me. But, God knew that, so He set a plan in motion to redeem me. That redemption came through Christ. It is because of that Gift that I shower my kids in gifts. I want them to understand what unearned love is like. I want them to know how to accept free gifts and then to live lives in gratitude to the giver.

This is my goal. I want to live in response to the gift I've been given. I want my children to do the same.

Please be reminded this season that there is so much more to celebrating Christmas than a man in a red suit. He is fun, but he is not eternal. He may be known for giving gifts and doing good for others, but he didn't give his life in death so that you and I could live. That is Christ and He deserves the glory!!

Here are some scriptures to help us remember what He has done for us:

All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through redemption that is in Christ Jesus. Romans 3:23-24

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23

For grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. Ephesians 2:8-9

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. James 1:17

Thanks be to God for his inexpressible gift! 2 Corinthians 9:15

Prayer Request for a friend

I just wanted to put a plug out there for my dear friend Emily and her incredible family, all of which are dear to us. They are nearing the end (praise God) of their adoption journey. They have one final thing that has to happen: pass the courts. In order to do that, they need a court date scheduled. Please pray that those in authority would move quickly and their hearts would continue to be stirred for the families waiting on the other side of a very big ocean for their child to come home.

2 reasons for this specific request:
1-Courts are closed all of Dec. If there's no date in November, they will have to wait until after the New Year. Readers......they have seen her face, they know her in every way possible right now. Can you imagine what it would be like to know your son or daughter is waiting for your love when you have seen her and loved her for so long already yet you can't get to her? Not a fun place to be....

2-As soon as they get a court date they can purchase airline tickets and get all the travel plans set. Beginning Dec. 1st, cost of tickets literally triple. Triple I say! We're talkin a whole new fundraiser and there isn't time for that.

So, please pray for them.

If you want the full scoop on their story go to the blog listed on my list as "Journey to Rwanda"

Thanks Friends!

It's on it's way....Let's make it count!

Psalm 16:5-6 The Lord is the portion of my inheritance and my cup; You support my lot. The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places; Indeed, my heritage is beautiful to me.

Okay, I know we haven't gotten to Thanksgiving yet, but I can't help but already be in the Christmas mindset. I love Christmas. The more I get to know God and grow in my Christian faith, the more I love Christmas. I love what it does to people. For a short time it brings goodness where it's lacking, generosity where there is greed, kindness where there is hostility, patience where there is intolerance, love where there is hate. Christmas is such a testament to the One it celebrates. It makes my heart want to be more and more lined up with His as I am reminded what my life should be like. It truly is a shame that these attitudes and Christlike behaviors are only glorified for a season, and not a lifetime. I speak about myself. I wish I could be in that "celebratory attitude" of Christ ALL the time.

I don't think I realized how important Christmas is to me and my faith until I heard a very unexpected comment out of someone yesterday. Wish list were the topic of choice and I made a comment about not destroying catalogues with markings. Well the comment I made led to this response, "then Christmas is useless". Even typing that to tell this story makes my heart sad again.

Once it was said it felt as if everything I believed, my entire conviction on who Jesus is, was mocked and trampled upon. It hurt my heart so intensely that I had to call my mom and weep until the hurt had eased.

The person who said it meant no harm at all. He/she let a knee jerk response come out without really thinking about the words first. And the maturity level would not have allowed better discernment. But, in thinking about this event over the past 24 hours, it has opened my eyes to an important lesson.

Our culture does not honor the King as He deserves. It's not just the Santa issue, or greediness, or even selfishness. It's complacency.

As Christians, young or old, our lives should celebrate Him EVERY DAY we have the breath to do so. We should not have to be reminded by a calendar, a toy catalogue, a holiday gathering, or a wish list. He is not just goodness "12 days" out of the year. He is the Savior of the world, He is my Hope.

If none of us ever receive another gift as long as we live, if we never see a decorated tree, or hear sleigh bells ring, and if we never have another chance to make a wish list......let us be reminded, oh God, that You have given us your all. You are our inheritance, our portion, and our revelation. May we never forget all that we have in You and may we celebrate with our lives giving thanks in all things to the One who redeems.

Lamentations 3:24 "The Lord is my portion", says my soul, "Therefore I have hope in Him."

Lock-Ins, Discipleship, and New Discoveries

I have had such a blessed weekend. Nine girls just left my home after spending 2 hours listening to me give advice to them about remaining pure. I had 2 hours to share with them some of God's expectations for them and the help He has provided. I don't know if you can imagine the joy it is to be around young girls who actually listen, who actually ask for advice, and who actually may live according to that advice. I am so blessed.

I'm talking about my discipleship group. Last year, our quaint group consisted of 4 girls plus myself. I grew to love them so very much. They are my other children. My life is so enhanced by my relationship with each of them. And now we have 9! The "originals" thought it was going to be quite a challenge to open our group to newcomers, but for me it has been such blessing. They are all sharing, confirming one another, building each other up as I sit and watch, and listen, feeling so privileged to be a part of it. Oh how thankful I am to the Lord for my girls!

And the night before last, I spent the entire night with these same girls and about 20 or so other youth at a lock-in. Besides being up until 4am and then laying on a concrete floor covered with thin carpet for the next 4 hours, it too was an amazing night.

One huge blessing was my daughter Macie, who is 8 years old and up for ANY challenge. She was so much fun! She participated in everything with everyone all the way up til bedtime, which was 3am. She was full speed ahead and she was lovin' it. We talked last night before bed about how much fun we had doing it together and the memories we made. I love that I serve a church that ministers to my whole family and allows us to serve as a whole unit. My husband and son were there as well but couldn't stay the night because of illness. (Sorry Codyman!)

The discovery that I made was how much I love young girls. At one point in the night, around 3:30 am, I was sitting on the floor and began to notice the pile of young girls circled around me in balls sound asleep, 2 of which had their heads in my lap. There were 3 grades represented among those girls and I adore all of them.

In the past 5 months or so, God has woven together relationships in my life, and I'm not really sure how it has happen, but I am so grateful for it! They have sorta just happened and I am realizing that God has a plan here. (Because I don't believe anything just happens) I'm seeing that girls really need someone to rely on, someone to trust, someone to love them unconditionally. I'm not always reliable, and I mess up sometimes, um, a lot of times, but I do love them unconditionally.

I'm discovering that I want more of this. I want more girls to love on, to encourage, to tell the truth to. I want a bigger audience to hear what God is teaching me. I believe He is creating these relationships in my life to give me more opportunities to share who He is and how He loves them like nobody on earth ever could.

So, I'm praying for direction. I'm praying that God will equip me to point them all to Him. I'm praying He will grow my boundaries and dissolve my limitations and use me in the lives of the girls of our youth group. And I'm praying that I not fail to be obedient to Him.

He is It

First I want to encourage my readers to check out the blog listed as 'the journey' in my blog list.

As I read the latest entry I was forced to tears as I realize how badly I want you all to know Him. Everyday I make a choice between selfish desires and holy living. Why? Why do I even consider this matter? Why is there a choice? How and why does it resonate in me? Is it possible to just live for nothing at all? To just live?

So many people, so many of you are living day in and day out for nothing but the next day. Forgive my bluntness, but I believe God wants us all to know that He is it. He is why we exist. He is how we exist.

If there is ever a time when things seem pointless, or when all motivation for any good is gone then I believe it is because we have lost sight of Him. This world is in desperate need. Individuals are in desperate need. I am in desperate need. Need of hope. Need of endurance. Need of peace. Nothing I ever do gives me these things in a sustaining manner. I can not produce these things on my own. It's because it is not about me. It is He. He is It.

1 Peter 2:5 says that we (those who have surrendered their lives to Christ), "as living stones, are being built up as a spiritual house for a holy priesthood".

This is God's will for me: that He live in me and through me and that I live a holy life. Then my holy life fills another gap in a holy priesthood.

As a believer, the Bible says that God's Spirit lives in me. That is where holiness comes. That is why I am faced with those choices everyday. Every moment. It's me or Him. When I make choices for Him, in obedience to Him, He responds with endurance, hope, and peace. When I choose Him, I see God in action off the tips of my fingers. I hear God from the tip of my tongue.
When I get out of His way, He shows me His way.

It is then that I am not exhausted. It is then that I am not hopeless. It is then that I'm not bound by sin. It is then that this world is around me but not on top of me.

When I live as unto Him, I don't have to live at all. I don't have to meet anyone's standard. I don't have to answer anyone's expectation. I just get out of His way and He goes to work. My life is in vain if it is only lived for myself. And I can't do enough for anyone else without Him.

I believe if we all understood what He wants to do with us, why He made us, this world would be a better place. There wouldn't be millions of orphans around the world waiting for someone just to touch them once. There wouldn't be millions of dollars spent on entertainment why millions of people die from water that's not fit to drink.

And you wouldn't be hurting like you are, whoever you are. You wouldn't be searching for direction, answers, and hope.

You wouldn't be asking how to fix all your regrets. I wouldn't be grieved by mine.

God created us for holiness. So, I find myself having to choose, moment by moment even, to follow His way.

Lord forgive me when I choose me. Help me choose You. Help us all choose You.

Getting Uncomfortable

Yea, it was time to make a change. Fall is approaching and it is my favorite time of year so I wanted my blog to reflect a little more of me. I love the fall because of the cool temperatures, football, camp outs, snuggling under blankets, settling in early in the evenings. Its just a great time of year and its almost here!

We are heavy into school now, working on more topics than we ever have before. I realized more and more what a privilege it is to show my kids how everything goes back to the Creator. All learning is motivated by knowing Him, understanding Him, and then making Him known to others. The more we learn together as a family of homeschoolers the more we understand Him and there is truly nothing greater. I'm so thankful that Christ has made it possible to personally know God. I hope that everyone who reads this has surrendered to the sacrifice and redemption that Christ became, that you too may personally know God.

The more I get to know Him the more I want to teach about Him. This is why I love my other students so much. I'm referring to what I call my "spiritual kids". My 8th graders is their official title. It's the same ones who were previously called my 7th graders. And even before that they were known as my 6th graders. Yea, they can't get away from me! I keep moving up with them because I can't imagine being anyone else's Sunday School teacher. Every week they give me the opportunity to teach them what God is teaching me.

We are now working through a study called "Get Uncomfortable". It really did make me uncomfortable this week as I prepared. There is so much injustice in the world. There is so much suffering all around while I sit comfortably at my nice computer with a snack beside me and my kids playing outside in my lovely yard. Anything I need is within arm's stretch basically while there are dying people of all ages all over the world. Should I feel bad that I have things that other's don't? NO. I know that "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father" James 1:17. So, why would this study make me uncomfortable?

It's because as my eyes begin to see, my heart begins to hurt. It is uncomfortable because God suffers with those who suffer. That is what it means to call Him compassionate. And He lives within me. As He brings me to an understanding of the oppression, injustices, and poverty of this fallen world it causes my heart to break.

Psalm 19:8 teaches that as believers follow God's precepts He enlightens their eyes.
This means we become of aware of what He sees.

Matt. 13:15 and Is. 6:9-10 teaches us that healing can not occur in people until our eyes are opened.

Nothing is gonna make a difference until we all open our eyes and allow our hearts to be captured by what it sees. Then if God resides in us we will be moved to compassion. It won't be the compassion that only exists in an emotion. It will be that of Christ which caused Him to action. It will cause us to move on someone else's behalf. It will cause us to get uncomfortable.

Please pray for my SS class as I challenge them to get uncomfortable and to act out their faith. And pray for me as I try to lead by example. May God be able to freely work through us all and that we have willing hearts to live out His calling.

Romania and such

Hello! So sorry for the delay of this Romania report. Had to get some other things out of the way before sitting to blog. We started school last week and it has kept me quite busy.

Romania was fantastic! First of all, the flights were very easy for me considering I'm usually a nervous wreck on planes. I actually was not nervous on any of the 5 total flights. Also, we had NO problems with luggage or customs or passports. The traveling experience was easy and non stressful. I was so thankful for that.

Also, I only had 2 moments of real homesickness. Only 2 out of 10 days! And one of them was when I called home in the middle of the week (something I didn't expect to be able to do) to talk to Jeff and the kids. It was about 6:55 am American time. Jeff answered the phone out of his sleep and of course didn't recognize my voice being he was asleep and the call was very unexpected. When he answered I quickly explained that it was me, that I only had a couple of mins. to talk, and to hurry up and get the kids out of bed. This was his response: ".......(silence).....uh....they aren't here. They spent the night out last night."
Once I picked myself up off the floor and put the phone to my ear again I was fine. I then had a lovely conversation with my husband which then carried me the rest of the day until that evening when I called again to hear all their voices! After that day I was good until Sunday, which was when I came home. That was a great day!

Being in Romania gave me some great opportunities that I am so thankful for. Being in a different culture, speaking a different language, and living a different routine is quite eye opening. Getting to experience someone else's lifestyle will definitely change the way you see your own.

I was able to participate in teaching the older Romanians how to lead devotions during our worship times. This is very hard for them, a very uncomfortable thing for them to do. Their leadership is not supported especially in spiritual matters. But, when each of them got up to lead their assigned devotion, they blow us away. They are so spiritually mature in spite of the lack of support for their faith. They are so well spoken and bold. They were an inspiration to me.

I believe there were 9 decisions for Christ. That is wonderful but the thing that blessed me the most was seeing the growth in the ones who had made decisions in the past. Watching them flourish right before my eyes, amazing. It is what I hope to see the kids at my own church do, the ones in my own country.

That was the biggest revelation for me: what needs to happen in my own country, with my own people. It has challenged me to make a difference in the world directly around me.

I'm starting to make some changes with my ss class first. We have studied a lot about living like Jesus but I have done little to nothing to actually provide them with opportunities to live out their faith. I hope to be blogging about their acts of service periodically through this school year.

I hope to impact them the way I have been impacted. May no lessons that God ever teaches me be in vain!

PS. Thank you for your prayers during the trip. I know they were effective!

Today is the day! It's off to Romania

Oh it is so cool. Me and about 16 others hit the skies toward Romania today. I'm pretty pumped! I've never been on a trip like this before. I will be with some pretty amazing people, including my niece Kayla. This is her first trip of this sort as well. God has really been preparing me and I'm so looking forward to what He is gonna do. I'm very interested to see the real reason why I'm going. If that sounds strange, it's because I have felt that God was gonna do some very unexpected things with me through this trip. I don't know for sure yet what will come of this in my life but I'm so thankful I'm getting to do it.

Please remember to pray for my peeps back home. Macie, 8, and Cody, 10 will be with their dad the whole time. This is a huge peace for me and I think they are quite relieved as well. They have not seemed anxious at all. Macie started getting a puny spirit last night but she also had been sick.

I'm praying that God will sustain their spirits and tremendously bless the time they have with Dad.

For Jeff, I'm praying that he will fully enjoy the children and have some much needed R/R over the 10 days. I think the time off will do him good and refresh him a bit. It has been a busy summer.

I'm praying that they all stay well and God protects them from any harm, for me as well.

For me, I pray that I don't have any issues that would get in the way of my ministering to the Romania people. I'm hopeful that I don't have any moments of anxiety, no migraines, or emotional collapses (from missing my babies). These are things that would interrupt my work and Satan would love that.

Lastly, pray please for the the Romanians. From what I've learned, they need to know the Father's love and the freedom that is found in Him.

Thank you for remembering this whole event in your prayers. Looking forward to sharing all that God does!!

Happy Birthday Puddin'

Yes, Today is Jeff's birthday!!

Have I ever mentioned how much I love him? Yeah, it's crazy love. My love for him is constantly increasing. The longer we are together, the better it gets!

I know I have talked before about some of the reasons why I'm so in love with my husband, but I have a new example today. I'm leaving for Romania in 2 days and for the past couple of weeks I have been fighting with migraines, the first in my life. Well yesterday was the worst yet.

So this morning when he got up, he went immediately to prayer, praying for me for 40 mins.

My husband has carried me through so many trying times. He is such a source of strength and comfort for me.

When you know your husband is praying over you like that, it totally wraps you in peace.

So I want to celebrate him today, for his goodness, his servant heart, his loyalty, and his godliness.

I love you babe!!

John 10

Did you know that once you confess Jesus as Lord of your life, you are counted as 1 of His sheep and can never be snatched from His hand? Isn't that a great truth to understand?

This week I have been studying John ch 10. Wow, its packed with treasure! If you haven't looked at it before, stop now and go read it. It will bless you so much.

Normally I try to put the scripture on the blog, but I just couldn't narrow it down enough. I couldn't condense it and still honor it the way it should be.

So I'll try my best to capture the diamonds in this mine, known as John 10.

Vs 7 Jesus said to them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, I am the door of the sheep."

Before this comment Jesus had been telling the Jews that he who tried to enter by ways other than the door to the sheep were thieves and robbers. In other words, many try to gain access to heaven by ways that don't include faith in Jesus. But, to those who enter through the door would be led in by the shepherd (the doorkeeper, the door itself) to join the flock. He also explains that the flock follow Him because they know His voice and He calls them by name.

V 9 says that any who enter through Him will be saved. It is only by Jesus that you can be saved. The beautiful thing about that is heaven is not dependent on you. Jesus carries the key, you only have to believe that He is it.

V 10 says He came to give abundant life. Abundant life........if access to heaven isn't rewarding enough, He offers abundant life.

Friends, I don't have everything I want. My life is not always easy and there's not always peace around me. If you know me well at all you know the struggles my family has experienced. But, I can claim this: there is peace within. What greater gift, in this world, can a person have than peace? I have an abundant hope because of my relationship with Christ. I have that because, as vs 11 says, He laid down His life for me.

Now vss 14, 27, and 28 are probably my favorite. Vs 14 calls Jesus the Good Shepherd and says that He knows His own and His own know Him. He doesn't just know about you. He knows you inside and out, all the intricacies of your being. And if you re a believer, you can know Him the same.

Vs 27 says that you will know His voice and be able to follow Him. Jesus is not a mystery. It's a relationship and it brings a revelation of all that God is. And the best part of all is found in vs 28: He gives them (the sheep, believers) eternal life and they will never perish and no one will snatch them out of His hand! That is security and stability at its finest!

Please search the scripture for yourselves and let God remind you of how precious you are to Him.

My Baby is 10

Oh my goodness, I can't believe Cody is 10 years old. Yep, today is his birthday, he's double digits now. Whoa!! Where has the time gone?

We are so very proud of Cody. Here is a list of amazing things about him:

Very imaginative: doesn't need to be entertained much, he can handle it by himself, and often chooses alone time to enjoy his own creative juices.

Definitely tenderhearted: is moved by the injustices around him and tends to separate himself from things that are obviously unrighteous. He internalizes everything and his heart becomes heavy easily. I pray God uses this to make him one who stands for what is right.

Wholly family oriented: he thrives on family activities, even if its just sitting together crackin up at Wipeout.

Godly: I do not say this pridefully. He loves the Lord, and the word. It is like a gift he has. He is drawn to Christianity and the day to day living out of one's faith. It is inspirational to us. He is quite the example to us all.

Repentant: When Cody messes up, he is truly brokenhearted over it. He does not do well when something isn't right between he and someone else and will often punish himself before we have a chance to.

Loving: Oh my, he is such a good brother to MayMay. Yeah, he aggravates her and sometimes treats her unfairly, but his goodness towards her far outweighs any wrong.

His Daddy's son: Other than the godly aspect, this is my favorite. He is just like Jeff. Same heart, same compassion, same servant qualities as his dad. It is such a blessing to me.

Talented: We are really starting to see his gift for music. He has been working at piano for a bit now, but he recently took on learning guitar. I pray he uses whatever talents God develops in him to bring Him glory.

So, we are so blessed to be Cody's parents. What a blessing he is to the world! We love you Cody. Happy Birthday!!

Miscellaneous What Nots

Hi Everyone,
I haven't posted much in the past week because I have been dealing with migraines. The first in my life. Not sure why I'm getting them but it really stinks!

The pics above are 2 of my sweet blessings. My friend Matt took them. If you think they are as great as I do check out his website: www.mattbryantphotography.com.

I wanted to throw a little shout out for my SS class. I had a get together at my house for them last Sat. I was so blessed to have them here. I was so proud for them even coming, we had a great crowd and they are so easy to be around. Sometimes they act ridiculous but they are such great kids and they don't really demand that much from me. I have been with this particular group for 2 years now and I can't imagine not being their teacher. I love em all so much!

So, we had a bad storm earlier this week which I think parked right over my house. Now, we have to get a new roof. How exciting.

Other needs we currently have:
a riding lawn mower (Jeff's knees are shot)
a desktop computer (our laptop bit the dust)

So, if anyone knows where we could get these for a very reasonable cost please advise!

Next random thought......I leave for Romania in less than 2 weeks. I'm gonna selfishly make a list of prayer request:
1. safe travel (I know that's obvious)
2. peace for me as I am far away from my family for 10 days. I am especially praying that I don't have any anxiety problems while I'm away
3. that the migraines have stopped, this is day 8 of them
4. most of all that I will be able to really focus on why God has me there, to serve Him.

so thanks for any prayers you lift on my behalf!

Praying for Kate

Please visit the blog on my blog list titled "What I learned from the word today". You will find a video from parents of a 5 year old who needs our prayers. Lets all be praying for this family. Just imagine if she was yours.....

Weakness Perfected

2 Corinthians 12:7-10

Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me --to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

Have you ever felt weak in your faith? Have you ever felt weak in your walk with Christ or your Christian example. I feel that way on a regular basis! Often I have felt that my sin was because I was weak. or spiritually immature (lacking wisdom, knowledge and discernment). That is true but today as I was studying this passage in 2 Corinthians God reminded me that if I was stronger than I am, powerful in my own self, would there be room for His power?

I often grieve over my sinful habits, knowing they pull me away from my Father, and knowing that with Christ comes freedom, not bondage. I long to live a sinless life, yet knowing it won't happen on this earth. So, it was pretty encouraging today as I was reminded that it is my failures, the thorns in my side, and my tendencies toward sin that invite God's power in my life. Just as Paul implored the Lord for relief, I have begged God to rescue me and to set my upright. But what happens then? Would He still find me at His feet regularly? Not likely. When we have it all together do we seek Him? Not typically. It truly is my weaknesses (and there are many) that cause me to call out to El Shaddai, the All-Sufficient One. May I never be sufficient in myself and loose sight of my overwhelming need for a Savior.

Paul described himself as "most gladly" and "well content" with his weaknesses. May I rejoice in my desperation for Christ and in ALL things that bring me to Him!

Ode to Jeff

Seriously, Jeff has to be the most incredible guy I know! It's not that I'm playing favorites or anything, it's just that he IS the best. So I might be a little biased since I'm married to him, but nonetheless, he's incredible. I think Jeff is such a great guy because on the inside he is about 11 years old. Goofy is only slightly descriptive. He is very witty when you least expect it. He is very tenderhearted and I love that he has passed that on to Cody. He is also pretty tough and it comes out at just the right moment. He is one of the most humble men I know. He loves what is right and is not ashamed of what is good. He is a man of conviction and has kept me grounded when I needed it the most. I wonder, often, why God matched us up, me so undeserving of one so great. I think it is because God knew that it would take someone as special as Jeff to put up with someone like me. I'm so thankful for him. And just a side note, he has some seriously buff arms that I love. Had to mention it!

I love you Puddin'! Happy Father's Day from us all!

............Product of Sorrow

Paul writes to the Corinthians, 7:8-11:

For though I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it; though I did regret it--for I see that that letter caused you sorrow, though only for a while--I now rejoice, not that you were made sorrowful, but that you were made sorrowful to the point of repentance; for you were made sorrowful according to the will of God, so that you might not suffer loss in anything through us. For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death. For behold what earnestness this very thing, this godly sorrow, has produced in you: what vindication of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what avenging of wrong! In everything you demonstrated yourselves to be innocent in the matter.

God's word to us, His written letter to us can be quite confronting. It pierces to the deepest part of the soul and can bring us to our knees. I have thought at times that it is too hard to "do it right". Too hard to be all that God expects because I am constantly grieving over the sin that hinders me. The sin I choose to do. The sin I sometimes can't get past without some intent leading from the Holy Spirit. And it all brings me to great sorrow in my heart.

There are times when others, particularly my wonderful husband, make a comment to me that just seems to shed a light on a darkness within me. And ouch, it hurts. It's that same feeling that I get when I'm sitting in service on a Sunday morning and it as if the whole lesson preached was just for me, just to bring me to the altar for some cleansing.

I have often wished that I could keep everything about me to myself and never really have to deal with the not so pretty parts of my heart. But then as I read through this scripture today I realized why it is so important that I experience sorrow. It is critical for me to be unhappy with my sin because it brings me to a point of repentance. My sorrow is based on the will of God and protects me from suffering loss as I repent. I want to protect all that God has blessed me with. I want to be a good steward of it all in hopes that God will not withhold His blessings from me.

"For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret."

Wouldn't it be wonderful to live a life in repentance to God that produces no regret. I certainly can not claim that now but I like to think it is possible. I want my sin to cause me to grieve so that I will be miserable until it is purged from me. Oh, how much more God could do with me!

I want to live a life as described in vs 11: earnestness, vindication, indignation, fear, longing, zeal,
avenging of wrong. What a powerful life that would be!

So it is my prayer that I would never be numb to the sorrow that sin brings. I encourage you to give thanks for the sorrow that brings a product of righteousness.

.........The Ministry of Reconciliation

It is a funny thing the way God works to show us His truths and to remind us of His plan. As I have mentioned recently, I am studying 2 Corinthians and am now in ch. 5. In my last post I wrote about the struggles of a relationship and how necessary it was to work through them and how thankful I am that it was resolved in spite of it being rather difficult. Then God so gently reminded me today of the responsibility we have to be reconciled with others. His timing is comical to me sometimes.

2 Corinthians 5:18-21 Now all these things are from God, who
reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry
of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the
world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and
He has committed to us the word of reconciliation. Therefore, we
are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal
through us: we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.
He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might
become the righteousness of God in Him.

There are so many statements in this passage that pierce my heart. I am grateful that the challenges of this week are behind me or this scripture would have really hurt! :)

The first revelation for me is that I have been given the ministry of reconciliation. And I was given it the moment that it personally happened for me. The moment I felt God's love pour over me enveloping me in His goodness and I completely surrendered to it. So, then it became my mission to participate in reconciliation as a continued manifestation of God in my life. In simpler terms, I am to do what God has done for me.

I highlighted the words in red because it is through the blood of Christ that reconciliation is possible. His blood was shed for me. The process was painful, it was ugly, it was agonizing, but it was necessary.

Reconciliation is hard at times. It can get ugly but it will never be too much to ask of me. It will never require my life. I have such a different perspective on this issue now. I love seeing how everything God has done for me is a reminder of who I am, in return, suppose to be for Him. He created me in His image and I should resemble Him in all that I do.

"Not counting their trespasses against them". Ok, that's only slightly convicting.....Not! That is a huge blow! How many times I add up all the offenses against me culminating to a blockage in my heart while in the midst God sees me through the blood of His son that reconciled me to Him. Ouch!!

He has committed to me the word of reconciliation. I think I have dropped the ball on this one more times than I can count. It should be my ambition to not only reconcile my own relationships for the sake of the ministries I'm involved in but also to exemplify reconciliation through Christ to God. That is really what it is all about. The world needs to know that it is possible to be reconciled to God and I need to resemble this process. After all, I am an ambassador for Christ.

I love how God's word is so practical and how it is powerful enough to change me. If you haven't experienced God's word in a life-changing way I suggest you dive in deeper. He has so much for each of us!

..........Fights Worth Having

This has been a long and taxing week so far. I woke up Monday morning expecting to meet with some friends about youth camp next week. Little did I know that one of the people who I was meeting with had a lot more on his mind than camp. He and I have had some....let's say.....some moments of frustration with one another which had the potential to blow up at some point down the road. Neither had really done anything to the other, specifically, so it has just been this ugly thing that has consistently produced a discontentment between us. Well, apparently he had had enough and was ready to just have it out and put an end to it. I was blind sided. Truthfully I was completely happy not ever hashing it out with him, but now I realize that is just what Satan would have me do. You see, we are a team with basically the same goals and, I believe, can work together to accomplish some great things under God's leading and working in us. But with this ugly wedge between us, God's work is hindered. With walls being built between us, connections were being severed. My friend had enough guts to get real with me so we could reestablish what was being torn down. It took 3 days, some heavy and awkward conversations, and some heart to heart, get real moments to have a breakthrough, but it did happen. And I thank him greatly for that.

I have realized some truths about ministry. It is not easy. When you are called into ministry you are signing up for war. You are accepting the draft and surrendering to a different cause. A cause greater than yourself. Satan knows the power of believers in bringing forth God's will if they are obedient to Him. I believe he has some pretty good tactics and he was shooting arrows right at us.

Friends, some fights are worth having. Relationships, especially those in the context of ministry, are strong forces for the Lord. I think these relationships have a bulls eye right in the heart and arrows are on the way. Churches are falling apart, ministry divisions within the church are crumbling, and God appointed teams are losing the battle. Relationships are hard to hold onto but the kind that God designs are worthy of every effort we have.

No matter how uncomfortable something can be, or how hard something is to manage, swallowing our pride and breaking down the walls is so necessary.

Don't let the battle go without a solid effort toward victory. Again, some fights are worth having!

................Confident Adequacy in God

Am I adequate? That's a loaded question with a very simple answer: No, I am not.
I have been reading a book by Lou Giglio called, I am not but I know I AM. It's all about the differences between ourselves and God--all that we aren't , and all that He IS. Then today in my Bible study I began working through Ch 3 of 2 Corinthians and I came to the following verses:

4 Such confidence we have through Christ toward God. 5 Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God, 6 who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit: for the letter kills but the Spirit gives life.

Our confidence is through Christ and toward God--without Him there's no confidence. This confidence is the kind that is gained from the object of the confidence having proven its reliability. God proved Himself to us through His sacrificial act of sending His Son to die that we might live. It was and continues to be the greatest act of service ever done for man. This is why our confidence is unshaken.

Nothing originates in us. Our adequacy is from God. We are adequate because of the confidence we have in God, Through Christ. But what are we adequate for? Adequate to serve. Bottom line. To serve Christ, the new covenant. This is all I am adequate to do--to serve Him.

Everything I achieve is a result of Him, nothing from within myself because I am INadequate to do anything apart from Him. As I obey the Lord, the Lord accomplishes things through me. When I joined in a covenant relationship with Him by putting my trust in Him and accepting His Lordship over me, I became completely adequate to serve Him. That also means I am adequate to obey. My obedience, my service to God brings about His will in my life. So, my adequacy goes back to Him, the originator and completer of all things.

Now, is this good news or bad news? It's excellent news! Nothing is dependent on my performance, only my obedience. My inadequacy is confidently perfected in His adequacy.

So, am I a good parent? Am I a good wife? Am I a good friend? Am I a good teacher?

These are irrelevant questions. The real question is am I obedient? Am I serving the Lord? The success of my roles come confidently through HIS adequacy.

Phil 1:6 For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

..........My Piano Man

Last night was the end of the year piano recital for Cody. We were so proud of him as he played in front of everyone and then stood at the end to receive an award that he did not know he was getting. As you can see in the pic, he received a bronze medal for being an "outstanding student". Cody LOVES piano. He never has to be prodded to work on his assignments. When we moved I gave the kids freedom to choose how to decorate their rooms. He chose music with piano the main theme. I'm so thankful that both of my children love music. It is such a wonderful way to express our emotions towards God. Music can bring out our most inner emotions and connect us to God in such a pure way. I never really learned music theory, or any instrument and I regret that. So it pleases me so much to see it as a part of our families' life. Cody is gifted with musical talent and I praise God for it!

..............Home Sweet Home

That is what it is: SWEET!! We love our new place! It is so strange to say that, "our new place". It is everything I could ask for. I'm exhausted from continuing to unpack and sort through and organize, but I couldn't be happier. Last night Jeff and I sat on our private back deck and watched the kids play in the incredible yard. Then we joined them for a game of baseball. So much fun and all I could think about is that we would have nights like those all summer long in our very own place.

The closing went so smoothly, nothing like the SC ordeal that I have tried to bury in history. It made our move to Thomasville so complete. I don't know why the process had to take so long, but the joy in my heart now overshadows the rocky road that led here.

The kids are enjoying the uniqueness of their own spaces. I did their bedrooms to fit their personalities and it has been great to see them having fun with their rooms. I am currently organizing my school space and laundry/craft room. Jeff will be starting to organize his workshop today and I am so thrilled for him to have that.

God has blessed us so much in this home and we are so grateful.

I have to put a shout out for everyone who has sweat for us over here helping us to make this place our home. We truly have incredible friends!!

............Not a rental, but a HOME!

Today we get the keys to our new place. It is like Christmas in my heart. I couldn't sleep last night waiting for the morning to come. I couldn't force myself to try to sleep anymore past 6 am. So much is stirring in my mind. Mostly the fact that today I will have access to a place that is really mine. I will paint what ever colors I want. I will make changes to suit our family and I won't have to check with a landlord first. I will stand in a home and not a rental, and it will be my own family's home. Why is this so important to me? I am a homemaker. This is what I have been called to be. And today I will gain full reign in a home I can make my own. My heart leaps at the thought of all I can do for Jeff, Cody, and Macie in this place. So much I have wanted for them over the past 2 years, but didn't have the freedom to do. So many times the kids have sacrificed, without complaint, as we have uprooted them again and again. In this home, God has granted us back all that we left behind and more (in our old home). I can hardly imagine what today will be like as my friends and I prepare this place for our future there. I can't wait to see all that we own, all that came with us to this town, things we haven't seen in 2 years b/c it has been in storage. Jeff, the kids, and I will be reacquainted with hobbies we haven't been able to enjoy, pictures we have missed on our walls, and memories we stored away for awhile. I am rejoicing today!

Birthday Girl

Eight years I have had with this monkey! She hoots and hollers like one. She jumps around and goofs off like one. And she makes a racket when she doesn't get what she wants like one. Yep! She is a monkey in disguise. But I could not love and adore her anymore. She is the most fun to be with. I have learned so much about life and God from being her mom. Here is a list of things I've noticed lately about her:

Definitely has a motherly instinct beneath that tough outer core.

Is an evangelist at heart.

Desperately wants to please us and God and is trying diligently to make good choices.

Looks really cute in pigtails.

Can catch fish like nobody's business.

Is more amazing than ever (that's a daily development)!

I love her intensely. I can't wait to see what God has planned for her. She could change the world!

The Big 8 (preview)

I will post more on this later, but for now Happy Birthday Macie!!!!!!!!!!!

..............The Prayers of a Child

Does it really get any better than hearing your children pray? Is anything more powerful? I think not! My son has always been a prayer warrior. What I mean by that is he has always had faith in prayer: that it is necessary and effective. Lately, my daughter has shown some maturity in her prayer life. When they pray, they fully believe that God is real, that He is listening, and that their prayers will be answered one way or another. Yesterday in the car Macie begins to explain to me that she wants to go to the altar on Sunday to pray. I tried to explain to her that praying at the altar is not a planned event, that it is not done for "show", and that the Holy Spirit would guide her at the right time for that kind of praying. She asked that if she wanted to do that, would it be okay with me. I said yes, but she needed to be careful about her motives. So, today I totally anticipated her heading to the front so that "her friends could gather around her" as she put it yesterday. Well, the invitation started, but instead of a tug from Macie I hear Cody whisper, "Mom, can you go with me to the front so I can pray about our new home?" I knew instantly it was God leading the three of us to His altar. The wonderful thing about it is that we gathered and bowed before Him, my children led us in prayer. I didn't say a word. God had not led me to the altar, but my sweet children. They both prayed and I treasured the moment in my heart.

As my family continues to face hardships, including a new diagnosis of prostate cancer in my stepfather's life, I rest in the freedom and privilege of prayer. And who did I ask first to begin to pray? My little prayer warriors!!

I encourage you to teach your children to pray, not by script or etiquette or design, but by faith. Let them hear you communicate with your Savior. Let them see your complete assurance of your audience, the Creator of the universe and show them that it is totally appropriate to share everything with God and to hold nothing back. Remind them consistently that there is nothing unimportant to Him and He should always be our source for answers. Let them see you bowed before God.

...........It's a New Day for the Hudler's

Hi Everyone,
I post with a joyous heart tonight as we signed the final copy of a new contract for our next home today. This has been a long time coming and we feel like it is a new day for us. Many may react with, "wow, already". But, understand we have been praying for our next home for more than 2 years and God made it clear to us both what house it would be as soon as we were free from the other one. He is blessing us in so many ways in this new home. It is nothing grand or spectacular to the average person, but believe me it is full of my heart's desires. God is granting so many things I have longed for in the waiting. This place has 2 toilets and a dishwasher: never again will I take those things for granted. But it's not just the obvious. He is giving me a place to renew old hobbies, sewing and drawing. Most of my friends do not know that I do either because I haven't had the opportunity or space since we moved here. He is giving Jeff a wired, very large and separate workshop. Most do not know that Jeff is an amateur woodworker because he has not seen his woodworking tools in 2 years. We will have a separate school room which we have never had except for a short 3 mo. time period last school year. He is giving us ample space for guests and gatherings, which is something very important to us. And the blessings go on and on. GOD IS GOOD.

So many of you have prayed us through this entire journey. There have been so many bumps in the road. I can not express my gratitude for all the encouragement you have given us. Now we can finally say that we are truly North Carolinians!

I also wanted to post about Brannon. He had another surgery yesterday to repair some things that had gone wrong with the ostomy. This little guy has been through so much. This is the 4th surgery since the fall. Please continue to pray for his healing, and specifically pain control.

The Wait is Over!

Yes, the wait is over! I still have not been able to truly process that we no longer own a home in SC. I think it will set in tomorrow. But, none the less, God has delivered us!!

Thank you to everyone who has been to the Throne on our behalf over the past 2 years. We appreciate every prayer lifted regarding this journey we have been on.

Now, we search for our own home in NC. WhooHoo!!!!

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

Ok,.......it is like we are sitting at the table, having not had a meal in a while, and we can smell the food. Our mouths are watering and our stomachs are turning in great anticipation of the feast yet to come.

This is how I feel tonight.

We got the call today. Our closing is scheduled for Monday at 11am! We are 4 days away from a 2 1/2 year journey coming to a close. My heart wants to rejoice but I hesitate until I walk away, literally and figuratively closing that door behind me.

Tomorrow the wood inspection will be done. There is nothing else left.

So, we have to make it through this weekend, and then we feast!!

Amazing Scripture about an Amazing God

Before I fill this post with scripture I want to say that I am amazed by God. Nothing I ever feel, think, imagine or do compares to Him. No problem I ever face or anxiety I ever experience is out of His command. Today I have been reminded that He goes before me, consumes me, and waits in the wind behind me. And because of that, He is completely sufficient in my life.


Isaiah 40:12-31
12 Who has measured the waters in the hollow of His hand, and marked off the heavens by the span, and calculated the dust of the earth by the measure, and weighed the mountains in a balance and the hills in a pair of scales? 13 Who has directed the Spirit of the Lord, or as His counselor has informed Him? 14 With whom did He consult and who gave Him understanding? And who taught Him in the path of justice and taught Him knowledge and informed Him of the way of understanding? 15 Behold, the nations are like a drop from a bucket, and are regarded as a speck of dust on the scales: behold, He lifts up the islands like fine dust. 16 Even Lebanon is not enough to burn, nor its beasts enough for a burnt offering. 17 All the nations are as nothing before Him, they are regarded by Him as less than nothing and meaningless. 18 To whom then will you liken God? Or what likeness will you compare with Him? 19 As for the idol, a craftsman casts it, a Goldsmith plates it with gold, and a silversmith fashions chains of silver. 20 He who is too impoverished for such an offering selects a tree that does not rot: He seeks out for himself a skillful craftsman to prepare an idol that will not totter. 21 Do you not know? Have you not heard? Has it not been declared to you from the beginning? Have you not understood from the foundations of the earth? 22 It is He who sits above the circle of the earth, and its inhabitants are like grasshoppers, who stretches out the heavens like a curtain and spreads them out like a tent to dwell in. 23 It is He who reduces rulers to nothing, who makes the judges of the earth meaningless. 24 Scarcely have they been planted, scarcely have they been sown, scarcely has their stock taken root in the earth, but He merely blows on them, and they wither, and the storm carries them away like stubble. 25 "To whom then will you liken Me that I would be his equal?" says the Holy One. 26 lift up your eyes on high and see who has created these stars, the One who leads forth their host by number, He calls them all by name; because of the greatness of His might and the strength of His power, not one of them is missing. 27 Why do you say, O Jacob, and assert, O Israel, "My way is hidden from the Lord, and the justice due me escapes the notice of my God"? 28 Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable. 29 He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power. 30 Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, 31 yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.

Rest, friends, in the greatness of God!

Mistakes

I often find myself regretting something I've said or done. Actually, it is usually something I've said. I have that disease called spill mouth. If you are fortunate enough to not know anything about it, I'll be happy to fill you in. It is a syndrome in which one momentarily, and unexpectedly loses complete control of their tongue. It results in inconsiderate words, nonsense talk, and flat out rudeness (also exemplifies selfish pride). Typically I am able to live a normal life without the influence of this disease in my daily activities. However, I had a relapse last night. No need to go into details, because who really wants to tell on themselves, but I have recovered today. The good news about this illness is that there is a cure! It is called discernment and is administered straight into the heart by the Holy Spirit. If can be painful but is a sure fix.

Okay, seriously. If you know me at all you know that I am a very transparent person. Unfortunately transparency can bite you in the butt sometimes. I think I am too honest at times with the people I love and I end up causing them to be uncomfortable in one way or another. This has always been a struggle for me. BTW--if you have ever been affected by this I apologize to you now. Please forgive me and know that it is completely unintentional.
So, as I lay in bed last night trying desperately to fall asleep, I was recounting the night and thinking about 2 particular instances that I wished I could change. That led me to think about God and how much He has to put up with in my life. As my blog title suggest, it is truly my desire for others to see Christ in me, and to learn who He is through my life. I hate it when I mess up because I realize that it is a moment that I'm only confirming my self instead of Him.
I was reminded of how I completely don't deserve the salvation that He has given me in Christ.

Romans 6:23 says " For the wages of sin is death,

but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

I'm so grateful for the FREE gift of eternal life. If I had to earn it I would be in serious trouble. If you have ever thought that you aren't good enough for God, read the next verse:

Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace you have been saved through faith;

and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God;

not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.

Well I have absolutely nothing to boast about except what God has done. And I'm so thankful that my piddly works don't matter much to God when it comes to my salvation. He demands my belief, but not my accomplishments. Hopefully, the works that I do are confirming who He is to me and causing others to be interested in Him, but it is good that they aren't the key to my eternity.

I hope you realize that God has a gift for you, and it cost you nothing. Christ already paid the price. So take it, and be free!!

Roots

I know I seem a little manic the way I keep changing my blog look. I just can't find the one that really fits me. I'm gonna settle with this for a while so hope its somewhat appealing.

So the Lord has been tugging at me about my nonstop complaining on this blog. I feel like I haven't really ministered to anyone and that I have just used it as a source for venting. I promise to go back to the roots of this blog which were to share a bit of God with my readers. At least to who He is to me.

So stay tuned and please forgive my self-centeredness!

Hello

Hi Hudler Fans, all 2 of you! I know some of you are wondering what's going on with us and the house and babies and all that. I've been waiting to post hoping that I would have some news, but since it's been a while I figure it's time to give an update.

The house:
We have not closed yet. Contract is still in effect. Underwriter STILL has the loan and we are waiting for final approval and then a closing to be scheduled.
We have started to look at houses and have some really good choices so that has been encouraging. As soon as we close I will post it so all will know!

Babies:
We have definitely settled on Jeff having a reversal done, however, who knew the expenses of that? Not us!
So for now it's on hold until we get settled with house stuff.

Brannon:
He is doing well though still struggling with set backs. He homeschools with us every day and it is going very well. He has made one very significant improvement that was not expected so we are so thankful for that.

If you feel led, please continue to pray for the closing as we long everyday for it to happen. When I say we I mean all 4 of us. We are so ready to celebrate!

some good news!

We heard from our realtor today. Someone more capable got a hold of our paperwork for closing and is pushing it through. We should be closing by end of next week or sooner. WhooHoo!!

We also have found a house we really like (hint hint Mandy) and will start looking more intently on possibly purchasing. This is quite a mood lifter for me in the midst of the waiting.

Soon I will be screaming in big bold letters that we have closed. Can't wait!!

the weight of sadness

I'm feeling that weight this morning. As soon as I woke up I was keenly aware that I should have been in SC closing the deal and I immediately became sad. It is a good thought to know that the contract hasn't fallen through and is just on hold, so to speak, but this is another day of a disappointed excitement. It just makes me sad. I didn't expect to feel so bummed today since the contract is still good. If Brannon wasn't here I would probably take school off and engross myself in a good book (the Bible being one). Accountability, it stinks sometimes. Anyhow, I'm asking God to restore my joy in this waiting. Thanks for your prayers.

......And we wait

We won't be closing tomorrow. Big surprise. I'm sorry, that is not the right attitude. Act as if I didn't say that. Ok, God has informed us that it is not time yet. The bank is the hold up this time. Everything is in order but the underwriter is backed up and so they asked for an extension. We don't know when we will close. So we wait, more.

Because the house is still listed in MLS, there have been some calls about it. It may actually show this weekend or next week and if we were to get another offer that was better, we can pursue that.

So, God has us waiting for some reason, either to give us something better or to make us more dependent on Him, or both.

And, so we wait.

thanks for the prayers!

3 days

So, I mentioned in the last post that we were waiting to hear that the buyers got their papers in. They did in fact get them in last Thursday, so I'm feeling much better about that. As of now, we will be closing sometime Friday. I think the wood inspection still has to be done b/c apparently it is a last minute thing. I believe that's all that's left. We are so close. Please pray that if it all falls through again, that we will persevere as we have done thus far, and that we will pick our heads right back up and keep looking forward.

As far as our family growth is concerned: Jeff feels strongly that we are to have more of our own before pursuing adoption. This was quite surprising to me but I am rejoicing that he is leading this and has this conviction. This was definitely from the Lord. When I return from Romania in Aug. we will begin to look into the next step (a reversal). Whoa, so strange to say(type) that 'out loud'. But there it is.

Moving of Mountains

So, this is the big week! There was some hope of the closing happening this past week, but obviously it didn't and that's ok. I'm somewhat apprehensive though, because on Thursday the buyers were suppose to get some paperwork in to the bank and we haven't heard if in fact they did. I would really feel better if that was confirmed. But, nonetheless, we are scheduled to close this Friday! My heart is hestitant to celebrate but wants to so badly. We won't consider a victory in this matter until we walk away from closing having handed the keys over. But what a glorious moment it will be.

Among other topics, we are still praying for what God has in store for our family and its growth. I am basically waiting to see what God reveals to Jeff. He is the head of our home and God will give him direction. I'm anticipating something exciting!

Prayer need: we are unsettled in the home we are renting now but aren't financially prepared to make an immediate move, though we desire to. God would have to move mountains for us to finally be able to move forward to our own home anytime soon. So that's my prayer request, that God would move mountains on our behalf.

When a Heart Changes

It has amazed me how many times God has taken a set beat in my heart and sent it into motion. Just when I thought I had myself figured out, He steps in and reminds me that I am His and not my own. There have been times when I have seen something in me that I didn't like and begged God to change it. There have been times when I've learned something from scripture that gave me a new look at myself and I've prayed for God to line me up with it. And then there have been times when God revealed to me that He did not agree with my stance and He just began to make the change in me when I least expected it. That's where I am at now.

As you have, maybe, already read, we have been praying about adoption. So, last week Jeff and I had some time to sit and talk about all that is going on in our hearts. We discussed many aspects of where our hearts are. It was a really good conversation which helped me understand a little more what he was thinking. Now, expanding our family is a new thought for us. We decided about 6 years ago that we were through growing our family and took action to "seal that deal". Neither one of us has ever looked back on that decision. Until now. God began to show me that I have more than enough to offer for just my two, and there are many, many who are in need. My heart has grieved for kids out there who are unloved, undernourished, and hopeless. How can I not respond when I have so much? How can I not be a part of revealing the Ultimate Hope? To me, it is disobedient. God has made clear in His word that believers are to care for those I described above. And so I began to discuss with Jeff my desire for adoption and God has communicated with us both on this issue.

Then it sorta took a turn during that great conversation we were having. First, prior to that night, I had shared with Jeff that I was feeling regret over having interrupted the incredible miracle of conception. He and I watched a video that detailed the indescribable achievement of God's handiwork which occurs in the development of life and it only serves to bring complete praise to Him. And we took that away. Now, I want to be clear that I believe God is in control of all things no matter what I do in disobedience or ignorance. He is way bigger than my foolishness so if I ever mess up, it never messes Him up. He can supersede any of my decisions at any time. But I also believe that He wants us to experience every aspect of Him. When we surrender EVERYTHING to Him we experience Him fully.

So, back to that night of conversation. Jeff breaks it to me. He thinks God may be telling Him to reverse what had been done. Oh My Gosh!! Wow, God, what are You doing? So this is where we are.

One way or another, our family has growing to do and I'm thrilled about it. My heart is in an unfamiliar place but it is an adventure and I'm anxiously anticipating what God has in store! Stay tuned for the rest of the story and I would really love to hear from anyone who has been where we are!

transitioning-we are getting good at it!

Today my kids are doing self-directed school work in all their subjects but one. This means I can spend time getting things done that normally I don't have much time for. I'm very happy about this. And I'm enjoying watching them lead each other's lessons. Right now they are working on putting timeline cards in order, but before that they quizzed each other in phonograms and gave each other a spelling test. It's days like this when I realize how valuable homeschooling is. It builds family unity like no other activity we do in our home, at least between the two of them. They are still fussing about one being too fast and the other too silly, but they are together, working together, and learning together while I work at my ministry, making my home a haven. For all you who wonder about homeschooling, it isn't always such a pretty picture, but these moments make it all worth while!

Today also feels really good because we, again are under contract. It feels more solid than before and has more promise of actually closing. The mortgage guy is on top of things which will hopefully speed things alone. The set closing date is March 20Th. If you would, pray with me that we would close much sooner. thanks!

On the topic of adoption, God is still speaking to us so directly. If you happen to notice the comments on my last post, you may have noticed the comment from "dalli". This is a long time friend of Jeff and I from our youth. Well we don't see her much, unfortunately anymore, but back in the summer we were able to visit and Jeff gave her my blog address. I had no idea she was following it until that comment, which of course was about adoption. She is a mother of 2 adopted children! Jeff and I just chuckled as we read it.

In my heart I know our family has growing to do. I know God wants to use us as a refuge for the suffering. Jeff is trying to sort out what God wants specifically. I'm patiently waiting for Jeff's guidance as I know He is searching God on this matter, and I am in submission to him. Whatever God says I know He has so much in store for our family!

Monday starts a new chapter for us as my nephew, Brannon, joins our homeschooling program. I'm so excited, as are the kids! We are looking forward to having him with us so much and making him a part of our everyday lives. He is such a great kid, has endured so much and has really become a blessing to me personally. And well Cody thinks he is the greatest thing that ever walked the earth, besides Jesus. So I praise God for the opportunity to minister to my extended family in this way.

So, as you can see we have a lot of transitioning happening in our lives. This has just been the pattern for us since going into full time ministry. But, God is good and faithful and has given us quite a journey which we would not trade!

Getting Personal

God is very personal. I hope everyone who reads this has experienced God personally. He speaks to His children in a way that is undeniably Him. I'm so thankful that I have had the blinders removed from my eyes and have come to know the God that I serve. He is amazing and I pray that for anyone who is still in the dark, any unbelievers out there, that you will see the Light, that is Jesus. I pray that you will be transformed through the salvation that He offers.

God has been confirming my decision to go to Romania. He has already begun to provide financially for it. It's really cool when He does that.

He is also speaking to me very clearly about a situation that Jeff and I have been in with our previous renters in our SC home. Long story short, they made some decisions that led to us feeling very deceived and cheated. We have felt taken advantage of again and again by them and it has been a difficult situation for us. But, God. I stopped with that phrase because it is one of my favorite phrases in the Bible. When you read 'but, God' you need to be ready to get out of His way, because He is gonna take over. He told me to start attending Bible study on Sunday afternoons in spite of my incredibly busy life. I teach Sunday school in the morning, lead discipleship in the evening at my home and then lead a 3 hour homeschooling class on Monday mornings. Why would I possibly need to add another thing in on Sunday? Sounds like a really bad idea. Yet, God was leading so I followed and have been there three weeks now. Well, my 'but God' attitude about it has been dissolved completely as God has been talking to just me every week. I mean it is like it is just me and Jesus in that room. He has been showing me in His word what it means to experience grace and to show grace to others. When I hurt and cheat God with my life He responds with grace. When I am hurt and cheated by others, what is my response? And does my response give "praise to the glory of His grace"(Eph 1)? He has so specifically shown me what to do during this trying time and how to know Him more. Without the trials Jeff and I have been through, I wouldn't have the opportunity to praise God for His grace, b/c I wouldn't understand that part of Him. It is something to be thankful for when I am able to know God in a new way and when I discover another reason to praise Him. I encourage you to look at your hardships in terms of relationships in your life and ask, "is this about the relationship and the other person, or is that about me and God?" Remember, you will experience some things in life that make no sense, but that is just where God speaks the most, and you don't want to miss it!

Another way God has been very personal with me and Jeff lately is on the topic of #2. If you read my last post you know what I mean; adoption.
Now I don't know what God is doing except that He is having an awful lot of conversations with us about it. The word adoption is coming out everywhere. It's in blogs I read, its reality in my friends' lives, it's in emails, it's in the Ephesians study on Sundays, it's in concerts we've attended, and it's constantly on my mind. The one I'm most intrigued by lately is the way it is all through scripture. So, over the next coming days I'm gonna spend extra time studying what the Word has to say about it. The one thing I know is that I have more to give and my home has more to offer. I know there are children who have nothing, including no hope, and I know Hope. I know Provider. I know All Sufficient One. If fact, I know Him personally. It is in my heart heavy to bring at least one of those children to Him, and to rescue he/she out of the pit they are in. Jeff is searching God to see if He is leading us in this path. You can pray for us if you are led. God has poured out Himself on us and it is more than we can contain. I want the overflow to fall on orphaned children. I want the hope that I have to blanket one who is hopeless. I want God to reach through us, my family, straight to a child who has none and show Himself through us. This is such a deep desire in me. I know God is not done growing this Hudler crew.

Last thought, we are entering into another contract! It is with the same people. They got all their stuff straight for the loan and are trying again. Of course we have concerns about it falling through again, but it is a lot less likely now. So, please pray for it to go smoothly this time. We should close in March.

Things on my heart

Have you ever been at a place in your soul where there is so much stirring in you that you just don't know what to do with any of it? That's where I'm at these days. I feel like God is working in me, teaching me, showing me new things, asking more of me, and revealing more to me than He ever has before. It's a little freaky as I don't know what to do with most of it. Here are just a few snippets of what I'm talking about.



I have been grieved for some time now over the financial and spiritual poverty of other people in other places. I have had a heart for missions for a couple of years now but it has grown more personal lately. It's like I've gone from knowing that people should help people to realizing that I should do something specific, something that affects my family more directly.

I believe that God is leading me in 2 directions: 1-an actual mission trip 2-international adoption.

On the topic of #1: I've always sorta fantasized about foreign missions. I've wondered what it's really like to be in other countries where life is unlike what I know and the name of Jesus is rarely mentioned. I've never seen other cultures being lived out, and I haven't experienced life as anything other than an American. This has become more of a burden for me recently as I come to understand more of God's word, and His instruction. My relationship with God is a result of many pouring their lives into mine. People like my parents and siblings, church leaders, teachers and mentors, and my dear friends. They have surrounded my life with goodness and have shown me God. And of course He has shown me Himself through His Holy Spirit that lives in me. But, how thankful I am to have had, and still have Godly influences around me. So, I feel, out of gratitude to do the same. That's partly why I teach Sunday school and lead discipleship. But, when I think of others in other countries and how much they don't have in terms of Godly influences I am compelled to make a difference. Jeff and I have discussed different opportunities for us to be involved in missions, individually and as a family. Nothing has ever quite fit right though until now. So, this summer will be my first foreign mission trip. I'm going to Romania!!

I'm very excited about it. This will be my first time overseas, in a country that does not speak my language or typically serve my God. There is a lot of unknown about going on a trip like this. The unknowns excite my nerves a little, but I know that will resolve. Now, I'm not a good flight passenger. I think that is at the top of the list of what scares me about the trip. The other thing is being so far from my family. These are minor things though in light of sharing Jesus with the lost and making an eternal difference in the far ends of the earth.

If you feel led, here's what you can do: pray for me to receive the finances from the Lord. Many of you know that we currently have 2 house payments since our SC house STILL has not sold. If you don't know, my husband is a minister. Minister and 2 house payments don't typically work well together. I feel that God is going to give me every dime for this trip outside of what we currently already receive from Him. I will be working on personal fundraising stuff and am praying now about what God would have me do. Anything I do, I want to be a blessing to someone else as well. I'm considering offering a total one time house cleaning for $100. I would clean as much as that a person would feel is fair in paying that amount. If I could just get 10 people to accept that offer I would have over half the $.

Please post a comment on what you think about that idea and if you have any other ideas for raising the $. Thanks in advance!

Now on the topic of #2, I will speak later. this is plenty for now!

odd behavior

So, a couple of weeks ago Macie had the stomach virus and was up all night vomiting. It was just that one night, but apparently it had quite an affect on her. Several nights later, after she was completely well, she got up about 11 pm and came running in our room terrified of something. It was like she was sick again yet she wasn't. She was just responding in fear to the possibility of being sick again. She was shaking and making no sense with her words. We couldn't figure out what was wrong. She kept apologizing and telling me she loved me. She would settle down and start to fall back asleep then out of nowhere start panicking again. It was bizarre. She was finally able to stay asleep and was perfectly normal the next day. I thought it was night terrors which is something young children get sometimes. She didn't quite fit that criteria. Well since then she has done it once more, basically the same thing only it made even less sense. Last night she woke us up, again around 11p. This time she was in the kitchen with the light on, getting a sheet of copy paper. Jeff got up and went to her and she was scared, but we couldn't figure out why. Hilarious!! She got in bed with us, went to sleep and woke up perfectly fine. This time she doesn't remember doing it. Too funny! We don't know what's going on.

And the roller coaster goes up the hill

The house is showing today!
Now, side note, the situation with the other buyers is weird and not quite over yet.. We don't really quite understand what the deal is but our realtor is movin on getting someone else in there. Our realtor has been such a blessing
So anyway, say a prayer please. One day it will be the one!

God Through My Eyes

I have been a true Christian, surrendered to His lordship, since I was 18 years old. I have learned much about who God is. I have seen Him in the lives of others. I've personally witnessed miracles. I've watched God prove Himself again and again. And I know He doesn't change. I know He still works in the lives of those who love Him and obey His commandments. We are not perfect. We aren't even close, but we do try to obey. We are committed to Him, to serving Him. We do love Him and strive to remain in His will. Because we attempt to be faithful, I know He will remain faithful to us. I know He will carry my nephew and his family, my family through the trial they are experiencing with his health. And I know He will have us in our own home when His timing is perfect.

The contract is void. They didn't get the loan. The house is back on the market. God is good. That's one thing that hasn't changed. He closed the door again, because it wasn't what was abundantly good for us. He is a God of abundance and He has something great in store for us. My faith is based on evidence, not wishes. His goodness is a realization in my life. It is an absolute. That's how I see this. My disappointment is God's appointment!

Catchin' Up

First of all, I'm gonna try to blog more often so I don't have to play catch up each time.



Brannon, my nephew is doing well. He is at home and once again trying to adjust. His incision is healing but the skin is very irritated from all that it has gone through lately. The ileostomy is working well so far since the last surgery. His parents (my sister-mom) are in the stage of trying to figure out the best plan for Brannon in terms of his schooling. The original hope was that he would be able to return to his school like normal and continue his usual daily activities. This does happen for kids who have had similar issues as he. But, it doesn't look like it will work out for him, considering the challenges he has had over and over again. So, they are researching other options, one being homeschooling with us. My sister needs wisdom and discernment. You can imagine how difficult it is to make big decisions for your child. Please pray for her and the rest of the family.

Other things going on in my world:

Sunday School--I still love it! The kids continue to amaze me regularly. We are studying the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew, though we are all over the Bible cross referencing. They have been able to search the scriptures from numerous sections of the Bible and it is so refreshing to me to be reminded how complete God's word is. I'm also reminded that we have all we need to do God's will. We have a new heart, as a Christian, and the indwelling Spirit of God which "causes us to walk in His statutes" and "observe His ordinances" Eze. 36:27. It is possible to be obedient to the Lord in all things. I'm trying to convey to them that we always have a choice. The choice is to submit to His Lordship, to obey, or to not obey taking ourselves out of the protection of His sovereignty. I keep reminding them that it is possible to have no regrets, but only if we choose obedience. It is a challenge to me as I struggle with wanting things my way, and in my timing. I laugh at myself when I realize how much wisdom I lack. I pray God's grace never runs out! :)

On another note, but still regarding my SS kids:

Some friends of ours came to visit one weekend recently. The wife is one of my closest friends and she hears me brag on my "spiritual kids" all the time. Her and her husband came to my class that weekend to sorta observe. One of the things I don't usually talk about is how nutty the class is. Often people have commented on how middle schoolers aren't for them, not their area of interests. The Sunday my friends were there my class was pretty typical, in fact, I thought they behaved pretty well for the most part. My friends thought they were crazy! They couldn't believe that I did that (taught them) every week. It wasn't that they did anything wrong, it was just that they ARE a little nutty right now. The thing is, I don't even see it. I don't see disrespect because they question me. I don't see lack of understanding because they have an off the wall answer. I don't see foolishness when they answer wrong. I don't see immaturity when they show their goofiness. What I see is what I hope God sees in me. A searching for the Truth. A need for guidance. A desire for wisdom. And a need for unconditional acceptance.

Also, as I've described to our youth pastor recently, it's not so much middle schoolers that I love. It's these. The ones that I see every Sunday and Wednesday. The ones I spent all of the previous school year with. The ones that I have come to know very well and who know me pretty good. The ones I can call by name. My point is that God has allowed me to love a group of kids in a special way. I don't know why, I just say "thank you" and keep going in hopes not to mess it up. But I have come to understand that God loves all people, but He knows each by name. There's something very special about that, something worth investing in. I am drawn to Him because He knows me and loves me. I think these kids are drawn to me for the same reason. God shows Himself in ways we can't imagine. This is one for me.

Now, in terms of that investing I just mentioned. I'm finding that it is quite easy for me to study and prepare lessons for my class, whether it is ss or dship, but much harder for me to just simply do it for myself. Why is that? It frustrates me that I let the activities of life interrupt my personal growth. If I'm able to put things aside to prepare lessons for the benefit of others, why not for myself. Yes, with each lesson I am drawn closer to my Father, I do grow in my spiritual walk as a result of these, but it is always about other people. I wish I could just sit down with the sole purpose of seeing what God has for me, just me. I don't know if that makes any sense. Maybe some of you who are in teaching roles get it. I just want to go to my Bible because I want to engage with God, not because of the accountability of church. Crazy, I know...

House:
We were suppose to close next Friday, the 30Th. Issues with paperwork have put a kink in things, but we aren't too worried. We will close in mid Feb. as long as no other setbacks happen. We both still feel pretty good about it all.

Another thing worth mentioning:

My kids have great friends. I'm so thankful for the people at Rich Fork and those involved in Classical Conversations (a homeschooling network). Families are raising their kids with Godly convictions and it is evident in their behavior. It is so incredible to have young boys and girls who live as they are being taught. Both my children have numerous choices in who to have over each weekend. If you are reading this and have kids you are in this group I'm referring to. It is just amazing at the network of encouragement and exhortation that God has surrounded us with. Even now as I write this Macie is at a friend's house and Cody has a friend over and both of those families represented by those friends are truly gifts to us. I hope we are impacting others the way our peers are impacting us and I hope our kids are just as bright a light.

Ok, enough said for now!!