The Other Side

I've been putting off posting again because I knew I would be writing about him being gone, and frankly I don't want that to be reality.  But it is.  He no longer lives with us.  His sweet, feisty, quick self no longer graces our rooms.  We do miss him so very much.  It is quite different to have a personality like his developing around you day in and day out for a year and then its gone. 

They really can't prepare you for this in foster training.  One can't be prepared to stop being someone's parent when you've spent a year making sure you did everything to the contrary.  And then to know that now, someone else is likely spending time and effort erasing some of those bonds that will forever be in your heart.  Yeah, its gut wrenching. 

Until, the Lord reminds me of His purposes on my life: to participate with Him in planting oaks of righteousness for His glory.  What will J's life look like now?  What will all the prayers I prayed over him mean in the future?  What will your prayers mean for him?  All the times he spent at our church, the testimony of his life, the witness of ours to his family.  What seeds will be watered in their futures because of the past year?  The meager amount of time we gave to him could mean so much to generations to come.  Its overwhelming to think of what good could come out of this temporary aching of our hearts.

I will forever know him as my son.  But, truly he is God's.  As long as God keeps entrusting His to us, we will keep planting seeds, proclaiming that with the Lord comes freedom and joy, all to His glory.

Counting down, Fretfully

We are within the last week of being a full time family to our little guy.  It has been a year.  A year of firsts, a year of celebrations, a year of traditions we have introduced him to, a year of trips together, a year of day in and day out living.  And it comes down to the final week.  How can this be?  How can we willingly and obediently pack him up and send him on his way?  So many foster families have done this, and do this all the time.  But I'm not sure I can.

I really don't understand why God has called us to do this.  We weren't made for this.  This is for someone else.  But here we are.  I hope I never forget every thing he has done that has made me laugh, made my heart love him, or made me feel like a new mom again.  We will continue to foster, somehow, but there will never be another like him.  Three more nights now.  May time stand still....