Thursday, July 31, 2008

A New Home!!

Hey all,
We are currently in the process of moving. This is definitely a good thing, but I am having lots of moments of UGH!!! Moving is just no fun. The outcome is exciting though and I'm pushing through waiting for the last thing to be moved and put in it's new place. This is the 9th place we will live since we moved to this area last summer. But, this is the first place that feels like home again. So thankful!!!! I will try to post some pics of our new place soon.
Singing His Praises!

Monday, July 28, 2008

personal need/personal love

Need:
Sorry for the self-centeredness! I do want this blog to be a ministry to others so please forgive the context. With that said, if any of my 2-3 faithful readers (HA!) know of any rental homes available, please pass the info on to us. We have realized that one thing that is quite a stresser for us is the small space we are living in. So, we are in search of a new place to rent. We aren't very picky, basically just need a 3rd bedroom. The sooner the better. So, thanks in advance for any leads.

Love:
Today is a special day. I am married to the most incredible man alive. Ok I'm biased. But, even those who know him but aren't related to him agree that he is a pretty special guy. He is as 1 Timothy 3 descibes: above reproach, husband of one wife (which works out well for me), temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not addicted to wine or pugnacious, but gentle, peaceable, and free from the love of money. He is, simply put, a godly man, and he's mine! Well, he's God's but God has lent him to me for a while. Just one of the incredible ways God has smiled on me. Well, today is his birthday! So, if you get a chance send him a note or give him a call and wish him the best. He deserves it!

I love you puddin'!!

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

the beauty of transparency

Eph 6:16 "....take up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one."

Flaming arrows. Aren't regular, non-flammable arrows bad enough? I mean do they really have to be on fire as they streamline straight to one's heart and mind? Boy, have we felt the blow, the fire, the piercing "of the evil one" lately. And believe me we know there are sharper arrows out there that others have experienced in comparison to ours. But, you know how when it is you, it can seem so hard. One of my campers, a couple of weeks ago, was struggling with that too familiar ailment called homesickness. As she would begin to feel it, her eyes would find me and seconds later her arms were locked in position around my waist. Her words: "its just so hard". It is hard when its you. The beauty of her struggle was her pure honesty of it. She knew she had the struggle and she knew she needed support. So she unashamedly sought it out and overcame the issue. Thanks for the example BB! And for all the hugs :)!
The past couple of weeks have brought me to a point of realizing the necessity of transparency for healing. There are physical things that people recognize as common among man. Reflux is one of them. When you start talking about having reflux, you realize everyone else you know has it to. Something is wrong with that picture to me. I mean, why are we all struggling with it. Are our bodies in that much of a mess? We need to straighten ourselves out people!! Our bodies are temples of the Most High God!! Okay, that was totally a rabbit trail I just chased....Back to the point. There are other issues that feel so dark, hidden, uncommon to anyone, and shameful. One I know personally is the "a" word. ANXIETY! I've mentioned before that I struggle with it. Lately, it hasn't been a struggle. It's been an all out war. And my mind, the battlefield. It is a target in which the evil one shoots his flaming arrows. So what does transparency have to do with it? Well, it has always been one of those things that my immediate family, (husband, mom, sister), knows about me, and then a couple of very close friends. But its not a conversation I normally have with people. 'Til now. As the reflux has improved :), the nerves are still raging. So when people ask, "how are you?", I honestly say, "a mess". The result of that is commonality! Not, that these people are all basket cases, but they get it. They get that life is not always easy, Christian or not. They get that sometimes we just need to be understood and to get some additional help and that's okay. Scripture says to take up the shield of faith to extinguish those flaming arrows. Faith is belief. Belief in a man who was fully God, lived a sinless life, was completely dead (by crucifixion), and then who was the subject of a glorious resurrection. Belief in the complete story of His existence and the power it has in one's life. In my life. Faith is a common place where Christians find themselves. Faith is understanding the ties that we have in the family of God. The ability for me to be transparent, yet completely loved and supported in return. And then to find God's grace in it all. How He orchestrates and weaves His hand through unexpected phone calls consisting of incredible humbling prayers, lunch time w/ friends who you now know really get where you are at and how reassuring that is. Without the transparency, you don't get the same results. You miss the blessing God has in store for you. The other thing is how will people know how much I need God if they don't know how much I struggle. I'm thankful for the dependence I feel towards God right now. I'm thankful for the assurance that I have in Him. Not assurance that I will be fine at all times and that He protects me from harm. It's the assurance that when I'm not fine, when I'm in harm's way (even if its only seemingly as w/ anxiety), He is in complete control. He is my victory. Transparency: feels naked, feels vulnerable, feels shameful. But, truly, its a beautiful thing! Try it out!
Last thought: to my friends who had a conversation with me today at any time about my struggles, Thank You!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Evidence

Do you ever wish you could just see Jesus, with your own eyes? If your a Christian you may have used the term, "I have Jesus in my heart". But, has that ever struck you strangely? I mean really, where would He sit? And what would He do as the life-blood circulated around Him? I don't know, it's just kinda weird to think about. I know literally it means that my heart--all that I am, feel, think, experience is focused toward Him. And not only that, but He is changing my heart to line it up with His, and my Father's will. But, today I had the great privilege of seeing Jesus in my heart. Jeff saw it too!
Here's the deal: I have been feeling bad lately which led to a Dr.'s visit, which led to some tests including an echo cardiogram (ultrasound of the heart). First off, all is well, praise God. Secondly, I was laying, quite uncomfortably, on the table watching and listening to the sound of my own heart. It's a strange sensation. Being that I struggle with anxiety, I'm laying there thinking of all the possible things that could be wrong and wondering how much the tech has already noticed. I'm thinking of how badly I want to go home and sleep and have the tests behind me. Just then she begins to explain the pictures to me, the motion pictures. As I looked at the chambers compressing off and on she began to take some still pictures. This is where my visit took a turn. Not because anything was wrong but because of what this lady began to bring to my attention. You see, the heart has 4 chambers each separated by walls. There is a vertical wall separating left side from the right side. Then there is a horizontal wall across the mid section of the heart separating the 2 ventricles from the 2 atriums. So picture it: a vertical line in the middle with a horizontal line in the middle--You got it...a perfect cross. Right there in my heart. Amazing. Talk about being comforted! Wow, my God knew just what I needed in that moment and He delivered. Not to mention the amazing wonder of the human body and how God has literally stamped evidence of Himself all over it. If you have never heard of the protein molecule Laminin you need to check it out. It's more evidence of God as the creator. Google the word Laminin or google Lou Giglio who has messages about it on You Tube. I can officially say that I know Jesus lives in my heart, I saw Him there today, on my birthday! Thank you Father!

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Jumping In and Hanging Out

What brings you joy? What enlightens you? What are you thankful for? What blesses your heart? I can tell you several things that do this for me: Jesus Christ, God, Jeff, Cody, and Macie Hudler, and the subject of this blog.....a group of 12 year olds. Not just any group, though. A very special group. I would love to name each one, but I fear missing one and giving the impression that there is one among them less important to me. This would not be true. In my head I can think of why I love them all, individually. I'm not sure what it is exactly about them, their innocence, their potential, their openness, their readiness. Are you ready for what God wants to do in your life? They are! I saw this in them this past week. I watched them worship a God they know to be real. I watched young boys shed tears as God revealed His majesty to them in their hearts. I watched young girls lift their sweet hands in the air to worship their maker. People, are you responding to God and to what He has done, and to who He is? They are! And what amazes me so much about them is that they are responding now. They aren't waiting to grow up. They want God's plan now. They teach me so much about so many things. They make me want to be better, more godly, more serving, more available. They even make me want to be a better mom and wife. It's like my own accountability group. Strange huh? I'm humble that they sit at my feet on Sunday mornings and actually listen to me and engage in conversation with me about matters of God. I'm humbled when they cry on my shoulder unashamedly when their hearts are grieved. I'm humbled when a grandmother tells me thank you b/c her 12 yr old "loves me like another mom". They can't love me near as much as I love them. I can't possibly be as much to them as they are to me. And why me? What did I ever do that God would allow such blessings. That He would allow me such a privilege of even knowing these incredible kids, much less having a relationship with them. One thing I am very excited about is that I have so much time ahead of me with them as we move up to the youth group together. God is allowing me to continue to teach and mentor them as they journey through the next several years in the youth. And I'm so excited about that. I'm excited about watching the seeds that I have seen planted in them grow into trees that bear much fruit. I look forward to seeing them fulfill their commitments to God. Many of them made new commitments at camp this week. I realize that sometimes those grand visions fall to the wayside. My commitment to them is to pray them through and to walk the road alongside of them. I pray for you, readers, friends, and family that you will not miss a blessing from God b/c you are busy or feel the job's not for you. If God is leading you to serve in an area that may be uncomfortable, and you just say "not now Lord", or "I can't do that Lord", you may be missing out on huge gifts from God. I'm not gonna miss out. I'm jumping right in and hanging out there!

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Grace in Vain?

Ephesians 2:1-10
And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, in which you formerly walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience. Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest. But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved) and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.

I used to walk according to the "course of this world". There was a spirit of disobedience in me. I lived motivated by the flesh. And then I met Grace. And I met Love. I met Mercy. I found Life. And for me it means salvation. It means freedom from bondage. It is peace, an inner rest. Assurance. It means eternal life. But what does it mean to the kingdom? What difference has His gift of grace made for Him. What is the outgoing impact on everything around me.

1 Corinthians 15:10
Paul says: "But by grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me did not prove vain."

That really struck a cord in me as I read. I think I fear God's grace toward me proving vain. I mean, I wonder if am walking in the good works that God prepared for me, as His workmanship. Or am I bucking Him. It was His grace that saved me, not my works. But, now that I live by that grace, is the goodness flowing? Are the works evident of a life changed by grace? This is my prayer: God show me any vain part of me that is missing the mark. May the Gospel I live by, that exist b/c of your grace, be fully realized in me. And may my life prove your grace to the world.

Grace: the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God