When a Heart Changes

It has amazed me how many times God has taken a set beat in my heart and sent it into motion. Just when I thought I had myself figured out, He steps in and reminds me that I am His and not my own. There have been times when I have seen something in me that I didn't like and begged God to change it. There have been times when I've learned something from scripture that gave me a new look at myself and I've prayed for God to line me up with it. And then there have been times when God revealed to me that He did not agree with my stance and He just began to make the change in me when I least expected it. That's where I am at now.

As you have, maybe, already read, we have been praying about adoption. So, last week Jeff and I had some time to sit and talk about all that is going on in our hearts. We discussed many aspects of where our hearts are. It was a really good conversation which helped me understand a little more what he was thinking. Now, expanding our family is a new thought for us. We decided about 6 years ago that we were through growing our family and took action to "seal that deal". Neither one of us has ever looked back on that decision. Until now. God began to show me that I have more than enough to offer for just my two, and there are many, many who are in need. My heart has grieved for kids out there who are unloved, undernourished, and hopeless. How can I not respond when I have so much? How can I not be a part of revealing the Ultimate Hope? To me, it is disobedient. God has made clear in His word that believers are to care for those I described above. And so I began to discuss with Jeff my desire for adoption and God has communicated with us both on this issue.

Then it sorta took a turn during that great conversation we were having. First, prior to that night, I had shared with Jeff that I was feeling regret over having interrupted the incredible miracle of conception. He and I watched a video that detailed the indescribable achievement of God's handiwork which occurs in the development of life and it only serves to bring complete praise to Him. And we took that away. Now, I want to be clear that I believe God is in control of all things no matter what I do in disobedience or ignorance. He is way bigger than my foolishness so if I ever mess up, it never messes Him up. He can supersede any of my decisions at any time. But I also believe that He wants us to experience every aspect of Him. When we surrender EVERYTHING to Him we experience Him fully.

So, back to that night of conversation. Jeff breaks it to me. He thinks God may be telling Him to reverse what had been done. Oh My Gosh!! Wow, God, what are You doing? So this is where we are.

One way or another, our family has growing to do and I'm thrilled about it. My heart is in an unfamiliar place but it is an adventure and I'm anxiously anticipating what God has in store! Stay tuned for the rest of the story and I would really love to hear from anyone who has been where we are!