Oh my, it's been too long!
I've had so much I've wanted to share, to voice, to narrate as the story of our lives has unfolded. There has been so much The Lord has been teaching us and doing in us and around us over the past several months. Almost daily I have wanted to sit at this computer and put His actions into words on this screen but it has overwhelmed me to try to paint the picture of His hand for your eye to see.
But I'm now at the point that I feel I'm holding back His glory, His lessons, His purposes, and His faithfulness by keeping it all in and I don't want to hide Him.
So, I will begin to fill you in again, slowly but consistently.
My goal is to at least weekly share with you a bit of what God is sharing with me. If I can bring you up to date on the months that have past most recently I will but I can sum it up even now. God has asked much of us.
We began to foster an infant in Aug. We now love a little boy more than our hearts can stand. He's not ours. Everyday we are faced with the knowledge that he's not ours. People mention how hard it must be to love someone you could very easily lose and they can't imagine signing up for that.
My response is what if Christ had said "No". He knew how hard it would be and how much it would hurt. He knew how much He would lose. He still obeyed.
Yes, we may lose him. Our hearts may break forever and I don't know that we will ever heal from it. But we may not lose him. God may allow him to remain with us. It's the risk we have taken to be obedient to our Sovereign God. I know He's called us to serve in the ways we are capable and providing a stable and loving home are our capabilities so we must do it.
We trust His capability to carry us through.
This weekend our vacuum blew up one day and then the next our water heater busted. We are broke. Even if Christmas hadn't just happened, we would still be broke. So, I convinced Jeff to give it 24 hours to pray to let the Lord show His provision and His faithfulness before we started calling our usual financial helpers.
Within that time both were provided at no cost to us. BOTH. NO COST.
God is real. God is faithful. God is sovereign.
If He cares about little things I know He cares about the big ones.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
Summer Session
My thoughts from our Summer Session reading for today, specifically on
2 Thess. 2:15.
2 Thess. 2:15.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Good Company
1 Corinthians 2:1-5 And when I came to you, brethren, I did not come with superiority of speech or of wisdom proclaiming to you the testimony of God. For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified. I was with you in weakness and in fear and in much trembling, and my message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith would not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God.
Even Paul came in weakness, fear, and in much trembling. Friend, we are in good company. I, too, come trembling at the thought of "proclaiming to you the testimony of God". I mean, really, what do I know? What authority do I have to speak of the things of God? I have no wisdom, no superiority of speech. I'm a simple stay-at-home mom with minimal biblical training, light exposure to missions or evangelism, and very little confidence. Paul speaks of persuasive words of wisdom. I doubt my wisdom has ever persuaded anyone toward anything. But, here's what I do know. I know Christ, I know His death, and I know His resurrection. I know it personally. I know He called to Me, in the deepest part of my heart and since that moment I've not been the same. I know parts of me have died, sinful parts, and I know He's replaced those parts with new life. I know it has been a demonstration of His Spirit and power and it has only required my obedience, which again has been through His power within me. And this testimony of mine, the testimony of God gives your faith something to grab onto.
So, in the weakness of my speech, the absence of my wisdom, and in my trembling, I pray that you will see God.
Many of us feel that we are powerless to make a difference, ill-equipped to be effective in our faith. Paul felt the same way, but He still knew how to accomplish God's plan of reaching others for God's kingdom. Let God do it through you. It was God's power in Paul that would work and will be God's power in you!
Even Paul came in weakness, fear, and in much trembling. Friend, we are in good company. I, too, come trembling at the thought of "proclaiming to you the testimony of God". I mean, really, what do I know? What authority do I have to speak of the things of God? I have no wisdom, no superiority of speech. I'm a simple stay-at-home mom with minimal biblical training, light exposure to missions or evangelism, and very little confidence. Paul speaks of persuasive words of wisdom. I doubt my wisdom has ever persuaded anyone toward anything. But, here's what I do know. I know Christ, I know His death, and I know His resurrection. I know it personally. I know He called to Me, in the deepest part of my heart and since that moment I've not been the same. I know parts of me have died, sinful parts, and I know He's replaced those parts with new life. I know it has been a demonstration of His Spirit and power and it has only required my obedience, which again has been through His power within me. And this testimony of mine, the testimony of God gives your faith something to grab onto.
So, in the weakness of my speech, the absence of my wisdom, and in my trembling, I pray that you will see God.
Many of us feel that we are powerless to make a difference, ill-equipped to be effective in our faith. Paul felt the same way, but He still knew how to accomplish God's plan of reaching others for God's kingdom. Let God do it through you. It was God's power in Paul that would work and will be God's power in you!
Friday, July 22, 2011
God is For You
In case you are feeling a little down, here's a lovely reminder of something incredible today.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Jesus, take the jaw!
I'm just about to head to the dentist with great trepidation in my step. I have had some of the worst pain ever in my jaw since last Wednesday. It has been so bad that at the last minute I backed out of a trip with my students to Daytona, Fl.
If you know me at all, you know that was not an easy thing for me to do.
I'm extremely nervous about the potential pain I'm about to endure so I decided to get Jesus as close to my jaw as possible:
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If you know me at all, you know that was not an easy thing for me to do.
I'm extremely nervous about the potential pain I'm about to endure so I decided to get Jesus as close to my jaw as possible:
Jesus, take the the jaw!
Monday, June 27, 2011
"When People Meet Jesus, Anything can Happen"
The title of this post were the words of my friend and pastor Sunday.
Do you believe them? I do. I really do.
Many things have happened to me since I first met Jesus. However, most of them took root when I truly surrendered to Him and began to desire His actual lordship in my life. Meeting Him and submitting to His lordship are not the same, the scripture makes that clear.
I would like to share some of the things I have experienced as a result of knowing the very Son of the Living God, and the Living God Himself.
Freedom:
Galatians 5:1 It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.
Many people all over the world live in bondage: primarily to sin, but also to their past, to their government, to other religions, to persecution, to ignorance, to guilt, to self-indulgence, to lies, to fear and to many more things that Satan, the enemy, presses down on them.
BUT...In Christ one is freed, forever. All things that bind a person are loosed at the cross.
Because when you meet Jesus, anything can happen.
Healing:
Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Hosea 14:4 I will heal their apostasy, I will love them freely, for My anger has turned away from them.
Life hurts. People hurt you. Many times I hurt myself. I make stupid decisions based on prideful intentions and I end up with a brokenness that only Christ can mend.
Apostasy means a total desertion from one's religion, principles, or cause. Those prideful moments are moments of apostasy when all my wits exit my head and all I know to be truth is hazed in a fog of self gratification. And what does my Savior do? Well He heals me. He binds my wounds, turns His justified anger from me and loves me through it.
Because when you meet Jesus, anything can happen.
Obedience:
Romans 6:17-18 But thanks be to God that though you were slaves of sin you became obedient from the heart to that form of teaching to which you were committed, and having been freed from sin, you became slaves of righteousness.
There are times I want to flesh out my anger. There are times I want to quit. There are times I don't want to ask God what He thinks, I just want to do it my way. I don't want to wait. I don't want to accept that role or that responsibility. I want to say what I want no matter who it hurts. I want to do what I want no matter the foolishness in it. I don't always want to see what scripture says, I just want to do it the way everyone else does. But their way is not righteousness. And their way is not freedom. And God's Spirit within me beckons me to the pursuit of Him and so I choose Him.
Because when you meet Jesus anything can happen.
Sight:
Psalm 66:5 Come and see the works of God, Who is awesome in His deeds toward the sons of men.
Yes, you can see God when you have met Jesus. I saw Him in my garden this morning. And I saw Him in my son tonight. I see Him often in the sky. This weekend I will see Him in the mountains.
Because when you meet Jesus anything can happen.
Hearing:
John 10:27 My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.
A relationship with Christ is unlike any other religion in the world. People talk to their gods but their gods don't talk back. Christ lives within me. His Spirit guides me in every way I seek guidance. You just have to pay attention :). I hear Him and it enables me to follow Him.
Because when you meet Jesus anything can happen.
Wisdom and Understanding:
Psalm 111:10 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; A good understanding have all those who do His commandments.
Obedience pays in dividends of understanding the Creator of all things. Its His gift to His children.
When you meet Jesus.......well......I hope you are getting the picture :)
Authority:
Luke 10:19 Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing will injure you.
Jesus means authority, power, and protection in your life.
Adequacy:
2 Corinthians 3:5 Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God.
Jesus means you are complete.
Strength and Power
Isaiah 40:29 He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power.
Jesus means you are strong and can endure.
Renewal:
Colossians 3:10 and have put on the new self who is being renewed to a true knowlede according to the image of the One who created him.
When you meet Jesus, you will meet a new you and you will discover the new you everytime you seek Him, everytime you obey Him, everytime you hear Him, and see Him and then suddenly you will realize He has renewed you!!
Redemption:
Ephesians 1:7 In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace.
Sin has left you abandoned, and death is at your door.....until Jesus, your Redeemer met you at the cross.
Even death is conquered when you meet Jesus.
Hope:
Psalm 39:7 And now, Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in You.
And His hope does not disappoint.
Peace:
Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
This world offers you chaos. Christ instills peace. With Him anything is possible.
Courage:
2 Chronicles 15:7 But you, be strong and do not lose courage, for there is reward for your work.
And waiting for you at the end of the road is the most glorious place you could ever even begin to fathom. We call it heaven. The Bible refers to it as the most Holy of Holies, God's dwelling place. And if you have met Jesus, you will be living there.
When people meet Jesus, anything can happen.
I hope you believe this too!
Do you believe them? I do. I really do.
Many things have happened to me since I first met Jesus. However, most of them took root when I truly surrendered to Him and began to desire His actual lordship in my life. Meeting Him and submitting to His lordship are not the same, the scripture makes that clear.
I would like to share some of the things I have experienced as a result of knowing the very Son of the Living God, and the Living God Himself.
Freedom:
Galatians 5:1 It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.
Many people all over the world live in bondage: primarily to sin, but also to their past, to their government, to other religions, to persecution, to ignorance, to guilt, to self-indulgence, to lies, to fear and to many more things that Satan, the enemy, presses down on them.
BUT...In Christ one is freed, forever. All things that bind a person are loosed at the cross.
Because when you meet Jesus, anything can happen.
Healing:
Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Hosea 14:4 I will heal their apostasy, I will love them freely, for My anger has turned away from them.
Life hurts. People hurt you. Many times I hurt myself. I make stupid decisions based on prideful intentions and I end up with a brokenness that only Christ can mend.
Apostasy means a total desertion from one's religion, principles, or cause. Those prideful moments are moments of apostasy when all my wits exit my head and all I know to be truth is hazed in a fog of self gratification. And what does my Savior do? Well He heals me. He binds my wounds, turns His justified anger from me and loves me through it.
Because when you meet Jesus, anything can happen.
Obedience:
Romans 6:17-18 But thanks be to God that though you were slaves of sin you became obedient from the heart to that form of teaching to which you were committed, and having been freed from sin, you became slaves of righteousness.
There are times I want to flesh out my anger. There are times I want to quit. There are times I don't want to ask God what He thinks, I just want to do it my way. I don't want to wait. I don't want to accept that role or that responsibility. I want to say what I want no matter who it hurts. I want to do what I want no matter the foolishness in it. I don't always want to see what scripture says, I just want to do it the way everyone else does. But their way is not righteousness. And their way is not freedom. And God's Spirit within me beckons me to the pursuit of Him and so I choose Him.
Because when you meet Jesus anything can happen.
Sight:
Psalm 66:5 Come and see the works of God, Who is awesome in His deeds toward the sons of men.
Yes, you can see God when you have met Jesus. I saw Him in my garden this morning. And I saw Him in my son tonight. I see Him often in the sky. This weekend I will see Him in the mountains.
Because when you meet Jesus anything can happen.
Hearing:
John 10:27 My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.
A relationship with Christ is unlike any other religion in the world. People talk to their gods but their gods don't talk back. Christ lives within me. His Spirit guides me in every way I seek guidance. You just have to pay attention :). I hear Him and it enables me to follow Him.
Because when you meet Jesus anything can happen.
Wisdom and Understanding:
Psalm 111:10 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; A good understanding have all those who do His commandments.
Obedience pays in dividends of understanding the Creator of all things. Its His gift to His children.
When you meet Jesus.......well......I hope you are getting the picture :)
Authority:
Luke 10:19 Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing will injure you.
Jesus means authority, power, and protection in your life.
Adequacy:
2 Corinthians 3:5 Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God.
Jesus means you are complete.
Strength and Power
Isaiah 40:29 He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power.
Jesus means you are strong and can endure.
Renewal:
Colossians 3:10 and have put on the new self who is being renewed to a true knowlede according to the image of the One who created him.
When you meet Jesus, you will meet a new you and you will discover the new you everytime you seek Him, everytime you obey Him, everytime you hear Him, and see Him and then suddenly you will realize He has renewed you!!
Redemption:
Ephesians 1:7 In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace.
Sin has left you abandoned, and death is at your door.....until Jesus, your Redeemer met you at the cross.
Even death is conquered when you meet Jesus.
Hope:
Psalm 39:7 And now, Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in You.
And His hope does not disappoint.
Peace:
Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
This world offers you chaos. Christ instills peace. With Him anything is possible.
Courage:
2 Chronicles 15:7 But you, be strong and do not lose courage, for there is reward for your work.
And waiting for you at the end of the road is the most glorious place you could ever even begin to fathom. We call it heaven. The Bible refers to it as the most Holy of Holies, God's dwelling place. And if you have met Jesus, you will be living there.
When people meet Jesus, anything can happen.
I hope you believe this too!
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Reading by Candlelight
I really love my husband. He does special things for me no matter how quirky they are or how old fashioned they seem. Raising chickens is one example, which is going very well by the way but that's another post for another day. Tending to my desire to read by candlelight is another.
I LOVE to read. If I could have something radically different done to my home it would be to have my own library. I mean a whole room, wall to wall, floor to ceiling, all books. Oh my gosh, my heart skips a beat just imagining it. I would want all things scripture from the beginnings of time (but no paraphrased Bibles please). I would love some scrolls of sorts. I would love all things C. S. Lewis, all missionary biographies, world History (from a biblical worldview), Ballantyne Novels, works of Francine Rivers, Francis Chan, KP Yohannan, Kay Arthur, David Platt, Jane Austen, John Piper, etc., etc., etc.
I really like to read in bed just before going to sleep. It settles my soul. But, it keeps my babe up at night because the lamp is just to bright. So I thought about getting one of those lamps you can put on the wall like in old fashioned tv shows where each spouse would turn off their personal light when they were ready. But what's cool about that? Nothing. So I thought, because I'm quirky, that it would be cool to have a candle to read by.
This might be a good place to inform those of you who don't already know this about me that I was really meant to live in a totally different era. The era like the one in my favorite movie Pride and Prejudice where everything is done by candlelight and there are chickens running around the yard and everyone sits together around the table for a huge meal at breakfast. Yeah, somehow I missed it by a few hundred years, durn it!
Anyway, back to my lighting dilemma. So my incredible husband made me a candle shelf today. And now I can read by candlelight!
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Isn't it marvelous!! I love him!
I LOVE to read. If I could have something radically different done to my home it would be to have my own library. I mean a whole room, wall to wall, floor to ceiling, all books. Oh my gosh, my heart skips a beat just imagining it. I would want all things scripture from the beginnings of time (but no paraphrased Bibles please). I would love some scrolls of sorts. I would love all things C. S. Lewis, all missionary biographies, world History (from a biblical worldview), Ballantyne Novels, works of Francine Rivers, Francis Chan, KP Yohannan, Kay Arthur, David Platt, Jane Austen, John Piper, etc., etc., etc.
I really like to read in bed just before going to sleep. It settles my soul. But, it keeps my babe up at night because the lamp is just to bright. So I thought about getting one of those lamps you can put on the wall like in old fashioned tv shows where each spouse would turn off their personal light when they were ready. But what's cool about that? Nothing. So I thought, because I'm quirky, that it would be cool to have a candle to read by.
This might be a good place to inform those of you who don't already know this about me that I was really meant to live in a totally different era. The era like the one in my favorite movie Pride and Prejudice where everything is done by candlelight and there are chickens running around the yard and everyone sits together around the table for a huge meal at breakfast. Yeah, somehow I missed it by a few hundred years, durn it!
Anyway, back to my lighting dilemma. So my incredible husband made me a candle shelf today. And now I can read by candlelight!
Friday, June 24, 2011
Radical
That word stirs something in me. It's an extreme word, don't you think? If not, clearly you haven't read the book that carries its namesake. David Platt does an amazing job of painting a picture of radical living as a follower of Christ. He makes statements such as "settling for a Christianity that revolves around catering to ourselves when the central message of Christianity is actually about abandoning ourselves" and "We want Him so much that we abandon everything else to experience Him".
Those are only two of about 100 or more statements Platt wrote in his book that pierced straight through my heart.
I can see that God has led me to make what the world would call radical choices for some time now. I didn't always understand myself, why I made those choices, I just knew I was suppose to. Sounds ridiculous doesn't it? But, now I can see that God has been preparing me for His work. He has been molding me and setting my life up in a way that would support His call on my life. There is still much to do, many ways I need to be molded into a usable vessel, but He's doing it, and I'm grateful to be in His hands.
The most radical event of all history is the story of Christ. Here's a taste of it from Philippians 2:6-8:
Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bondservant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
Being equal with God, yet emptying yourself for mankind for the sake of taking on death in man's place is about as radical as you can get!
Christ radically redeemed me. Now it's my turn to live radically for Him.
I wrote this for those who know me personally and will hopefully see radical differences in me in the future and that you will accept a radical nature in me as I follow a radical God. I hope you have already seen that my life does not follow the pattern of this world. And I hope you will join me :).
Those are only two of about 100 or more statements Platt wrote in his book that pierced straight through my heart.
I can see that God has led me to make what the world would call radical choices for some time now. I didn't always understand myself, why I made those choices, I just knew I was suppose to. Sounds ridiculous doesn't it? But, now I can see that God has been preparing me for His work. He has been molding me and setting my life up in a way that would support His call on my life. There is still much to do, many ways I need to be molded into a usable vessel, but He's doing it, and I'm grateful to be in His hands.
The most radical event of all history is the story of Christ. Here's a taste of it from Philippians 2:6-8:
Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bondservant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
Being equal with God, yet emptying yourself for mankind for the sake of taking on death in man's place is about as radical as you can get!
Christ radically redeemed me. Now it's my turn to live radically for Him.
I wrote this for those who know me personally and will hopefully see radical differences in me in the future and that you will accept a radical nature in me as I follow a radical God. I hope you have already seen that my life does not follow the pattern of this world. And I hope you will join me :).
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Hudler Happenings
Almost daily I have sat at this computer with thoughts I wanted to share on this blog, yet something else always needs my attention.
Well, I have some time now so I'll get as much out as I can.
Our last official day of school was Friday. Whoot Whoot!! It has been a very good year. The kids accomplished so much and I am very proud of their work. Each year seems to be getting better and better.
When I started homeschooling, 7 years ago, my main goal was to make it through elementary school. Well, Cody will be in 7th grade this coming school year and we are still plugging along. And now, I fully believe it is possible to homeschool through highschool so it is now my goal.
With that said, however, I wonder what the Lord has in store for us. This past school year has brought us several changes, things I never thought I would do.
We fostered two children, one of which was in public school. We now are the proud parents of 3 chicks. We are trying to make our home as self sufficient as possible. I believe this is much easier when you live on a farm. We don't. But, we now have chickens, apple trees, and a vegetable garden. Hey, its a start! And we are very much hoping for another foster child, a very young girl to be exact, a potential adoptee, to come into our life.
So with these changes, I wonder what the Lord will call us to over the next 6 years of Cody's schooling life. And with Macie 2 years behind him, she has even more opportunity to experience life following after Christ.
My heart continues to want to wrap itself around anything missions. Cody and Macie are both wanting to go to Romania, something neither have wanted to do in the past. Jeff is heading to Romania in July for a short term mission opportunity. I hope our family as a whole can do the same soon.
We have instituted new traditions and are raising some standards in our home and though it has been a recent effort, we are seeing the benefits already. The only one I'll mention now is reading aloud to our children, as a family. Many families already do this, especially in the homeschooling world. But, it has never been a priority for us. Until now of course, and we love it. It is a precious time of learning and unity. The kids are going to bed easier, the house is quieter in the evenings, the tv no longer demands our time, and even the mornings are so much smoother.
If you are not a read aloud family, give it a try, soon!
Ok, that's it for now. It's not much but I have many other thoughts to share soon so stay tuned!
Well, I have some time now so I'll get as much out as I can.
Our last official day of school was Friday. Whoot Whoot!! It has been a very good year. The kids accomplished so much and I am very proud of their work. Each year seems to be getting better and better.
When I started homeschooling, 7 years ago, my main goal was to make it through elementary school. Well, Cody will be in 7th grade this coming school year and we are still plugging along. And now, I fully believe it is possible to homeschool through highschool so it is now my goal.
With that said, however, I wonder what the Lord has in store for us. This past school year has brought us several changes, things I never thought I would do.
We fostered two children, one of which was in public school. We now are the proud parents of 3 chicks. We are trying to make our home as self sufficient as possible. I believe this is much easier when you live on a farm. We don't. But, we now have chickens, apple trees, and a vegetable garden. Hey, its a start! And we are very much hoping for another foster child, a very young girl to be exact, a potential adoptee, to come into our life.
So with these changes, I wonder what the Lord will call us to over the next 6 years of Cody's schooling life. And with Macie 2 years behind him, she has even more opportunity to experience life following after Christ.
My heart continues to want to wrap itself around anything missions. Cody and Macie are both wanting to go to Romania, something neither have wanted to do in the past. Jeff is heading to Romania in July for a short term mission opportunity. I hope our family as a whole can do the same soon.
We have instituted new traditions and are raising some standards in our home and though it has been a recent effort, we are seeing the benefits already. The only one I'll mention now is reading aloud to our children, as a family. Many families already do this, especially in the homeschooling world. But, it has never been a priority for us. Until now of course, and we love it. It is a precious time of learning and unity. The kids are going to bed easier, the house is quieter in the evenings, the tv no longer demands our time, and even the mornings are so much smoother.
If you are not a read aloud family, give it a try, soon!
Ok, that's it for now. It's not much but I have many other thoughts to share soon so stay tuned!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
MayMay's Life
Macie has her own blog now. It will likely make you laugh from time to time. So, check it out!
This is her promo :) It is www.mhudler.blogspot.com or you can just click it from my blog list.
This is her promo :) It is www.mhudler.blogspot.com or you can just click it from my blog list.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
And Just Like that They're Gone
A little over 5 months ago, we began a new journey as foster parents. It actually started long before that but became very real on Oct. 21 as we received our first placement. Seems like it was yesterday. By about noon today they were officially no longer "ours". Just like that, they are gone. No one can prepare you for the feelings you have when something so involving and demanding is no longer a part of your life. When you invest so much into something, so much of yourself, and it abruptly ends, part of you is left empty. And even if the warning signs were there you still aren't prepared. It's like ripping a band aid off: its fast, its necessary, its timely, and you know it is coming, but it still hurts. Intensely, at least for a moment. Several times today the same bandaid seemed to be pulled at. It was especially difficult when it came time to sign us off as contact at her school. So much effort has been spent in regards to her schooling, catching her up, helping her overcome huge walls. And that was it. We are no longer a part of that. It was especially difficult dropping him off at his home knowing it was forever, not just for 2 hours, and passing his big wheel by the driveway, the one we got him for Christmas. The one he rode almost daily with Cody and Macie. I can not imagine what it is like for a parent to lose a child. We knew they would leave. We wanted that for their whole family. We know they are loved. We have grieved over the sacrifices our family has made. And for the most part there is great relief. Yet, there is a hole in my heart that I never saw coming. It is a grief that I did not consider nor prepare for. So, I am left giving thanks for what God has done. I praise Him for allowing us to be used and I pray that every good thing He did during the last 5 months will last for eternity. And I pray that He will allow me to bask in the wholeness of my family at this very moment.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
A Review of the past few weeks
Three Sundays ago I was hit with the start of a series of migraines that would about send me over the edge.
A week into the headaches I left to go to the coast for a women's retreat not realizing I was in the midst of a migraine that would need medical intervention (more than ibuprofen). I spent almost the whole conference in the bed.
I came home and the migraine continued to intensify. Last Tuesday I finally made it into the Headache Center where I got a few shots and a steroid pack. Two days after that the headache was gone, but now I was a monster to everyone around me. Fatigue, acheyness (?sp), and steroids basically turned me into a monster. Macie had already been extremely defiant the first half. I think she was revolting against me b/c not only did I leave out of town for a couple of days, but I then came home sick and unable to give her or any kids any attention. So, between the monster in me and the defiance in her it was a rough week around here.
To top it off, I needed Jeff around daily to not only help me in my sickness but to take care of kids and to fight the battles with Macie that I was not capable of handling. The even more difficult thing was the fact that it was the week leading up to one of the biggest youth events we do all year, D*Weekend.
Jeff spends the whole week each year setting up for the band, the stage, etc for the large group sessions. This was not a week he needed to be stuck at home tending to me and fighting with Macie.
But finally the relief came on Thursday. My head was better by then and Friday Macie and I stopped fighting and things started to relax just in time for the 8 students who would be moving into my home for the weekend showed up.
Then a new nightmare began.
Some time around 7pm Friday night, I think, I'm driving around town running errands with Macie and the two little ones. We had just stopped to pick up dinner and my phone rings, an unknown number. I answer to someone crying and frantic and I couldn't understand. My heart sunk when I realized it was Cody.
He and his bestfriend were staying at the friend's cousin's house for the weekend. They had been outside playing, the three of them alone, when Cody's bestfriend stood up on the front steps and then immediately collapsed into a full seizure. This was happening right before their eyes.
Cody stayed by his friend's side as the cousin ran for help. The adults came out, 911 was called and before long his friend was awake and receiving the care he needed.
When Cody called me it had all just happened and 911 was on the way. He was so frantic as any child would be in that circumstance.
It was a long night, a long weekend actually, for all of us, but I don't think I can grasp what that event was truly like for Cody. The other people who were there have praised Cody for how well he handled the situation and what a good friend he was. The cousin acted heroic as well. She's the same age.
His friend has been stable ever since and is in process of being tested and examined to try to make sense out of what happened. We are obviously still concerned for him and are praying for a clear diagnosis and healing. Please pray with us.
I wonder what God's plan is for this in Cody's life. Cody is so tender and compassionate and he is also very visual. I don't think he will ever forget the image of his bestfriend seizing on the pavement literally right in front of him and the helplessness he felt. How will God use this? How will this contribute to the makeup of who Cody is?
We want to protect our kids from everything harmful. But, if we do are we getting in the way of God's hand over them? I don't want to ever hear a call like that again but I know God is going to allow things in their life that I will be sad about. But I continue to pray that God will mold them into the person He desires them to be in order to bring about His will. So, now I pray that God will equip them to handle everything He allows. And I know He will.
A week into the headaches I left to go to the coast for a women's retreat not realizing I was in the midst of a migraine that would need medical intervention (more than ibuprofen). I spent almost the whole conference in the bed.
I came home and the migraine continued to intensify. Last Tuesday I finally made it into the Headache Center where I got a few shots and a steroid pack. Two days after that the headache was gone, but now I was a monster to everyone around me. Fatigue, acheyness (?sp), and steroids basically turned me into a monster. Macie had already been extremely defiant the first half. I think she was revolting against me b/c not only did I leave out of town for a couple of days, but I then came home sick and unable to give her or any kids any attention. So, between the monster in me and the defiance in her it was a rough week around here.
To top it off, I needed Jeff around daily to not only help me in my sickness but to take care of kids and to fight the battles with Macie that I was not capable of handling. The even more difficult thing was the fact that it was the week leading up to one of the biggest youth events we do all year, D*Weekend.
Jeff spends the whole week each year setting up for the band, the stage, etc for the large group sessions. This was not a week he needed to be stuck at home tending to me and fighting with Macie.
But finally the relief came on Thursday. My head was better by then and Friday Macie and I stopped fighting and things started to relax just in time for the 8 students who would be moving into my home for the weekend showed up.
Then a new nightmare began.
Some time around 7pm Friday night, I think, I'm driving around town running errands with Macie and the two little ones. We had just stopped to pick up dinner and my phone rings, an unknown number. I answer to someone crying and frantic and I couldn't understand. My heart sunk when I realized it was Cody.
He and his bestfriend were staying at the friend's cousin's house for the weekend. They had been outside playing, the three of them alone, when Cody's bestfriend stood up on the front steps and then immediately collapsed into a full seizure. This was happening right before their eyes.
Cody stayed by his friend's side as the cousin ran for help. The adults came out, 911 was called and before long his friend was awake and receiving the care he needed.
When Cody called me it had all just happened and 911 was on the way. He was so frantic as any child would be in that circumstance.
It was a long night, a long weekend actually, for all of us, but I don't think I can grasp what that event was truly like for Cody. The other people who were there have praised Cody for how well he handled the situation and what a good friend he was. The cousin acted heroic as well. She's the same age.
His friend has been stable ever since and is in process of being tested and examined to try to make sense out of what happened. We are obviously still concerned for him and are praying for a clear diagnosis and healing. Please pray with us.
I wonder what God's plan is for this in Cody's life. Cody is so tender and compassionate and he is also very visual. I don't think he will ever forget the image of his bestfriend seizing on the pavement literally right in front of him and the helplessness he felt. How will God use this? How will this contribute to the makeup of who Cody is?
We want to protect our kids from everything harmful. But, if we do are we getting in the way of God's hand over them? I don't want to ever hear a call like that again but I know God is going to allow things in their life that I will be sad about. But I continue to pray that God will mold them into the person He desires them to be in order to bring about His will. So, now I pray that God will equip them to handle everything He allows. And I know He will.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Warning: long rant ahead
My head has hung low lately.
I am burdened more than I knew but I feel the weight of it today. Please indulge me as I lay my burdens out before you.
I'm tired, not just physically, but in every other way. Emotionally I am struggling as day in and day out, I play this game of loving and providing for kids that want to be somewhere else, and never fail to remind me of the fact. I ride the coaster that takes me up and down and leaves me confused and dazed. Where will we be when this is over? Soaring high on the wings of a God who allowed us to be used in the lives of others? Or treading through the valley of emptiness as our 6 returns to 4?
Emotionally I am struggling as one of my dearest friends, my "Jonathan" of 1 Samuel 18, has just learned that the Sarcoma that almost took her life as a teen has most likely returned. Why God? Yes, I ask why, though I know it is to bring Him glory. And I know if anyone will glorify God in everything it is this friend.
I struggle with the lack of freedom I feel right now as the demands of my daughter keep me tied to her side, if not physically, mentally. I am weary of trying to convince her that she is okay whether she can see me or not. And that her dad is just as wonderful as any parent can be and He is sufficient for her if I'm unavailable. This is all my flesh as I desire that freedom back. I know I just need to love her through this. But, I am tired. I've got 2 kids who want their "real" mom and one kid who is suffocating me. Where's the balance?
I struggle with feeling, at one moment, so incredibly thankful for the role God has given me as a mom of one child, let alone 4. But, at the next moment I'm grieved over the sacrifices that are demanded of me as I give all I've got to this calling. I know so many moms feel the same way.
And I'm struggling spiritually. I'm confused by the things that my heart desires. Things that I know are led by the Lord, yet I'm alone in it. It's not what Jeff wants. We are one flesh and we try to live that out. So why are we divided in this matter?
I'm praying God redirects me or gives Jeff the same calling. I need some clarity. I'm praying God would purge me of me. That's a scary prayer. I've never known Jeff to do anything out of selfish ambition. I, on the other hand, am very good at making things happen for myself. This is a situation that I truly need to get out of the way and see what GOD wants. But, its a struggle.
So I start my time in the word today with Psalm 3. I walk around lately with my head down heavy with the weight on my shoulders. Then God speaks vs 3 right to me:
"But You, O Lord, are a shield about me, My glory, and the One who lifts my head"
I realize God lifts my head by taking the weight off and carrying it for me. The struggles are still there but they are on His shoulders and I'm in His hands. And for that I rest in Him.
I am burdened more than I knew but I feel the weight of it today. Please indulge me as I lay my burdens out before you.
I'm tired, not just physically, but in every other way. Emotionally I am struggling as day in and day out, I play this game of loving and providing for kids that want to be somewhere else, and never fail to remind me of the fact. I ride the coaster that takes me up and down and leaves me confused and dazed. Where will we be when this is over? Soaring high on the wings of a God who allowed us to be used in the lives of others? Or treading through the valley of emptiness as our 6 returns to 4?
Emotionally I am struggling as one of my dearest friends, my "Jonathan" of 1 Samuel 18, has just learned that the Sarcoma that almost took her life as a teen has most likely returned. Why God? Yes, I ask why, though I know it is to bring Him glory. And I know if anyone will glorify God in everything it is this friend.
I struggle with the lack of freedom I feel right now as the demands of my daughter keep me tied to her side, if not physically, mentally. I am weary of trying to convince her that she is okay whether she can see me or not. And that her dad is just as wonderful as any parent can be and He is sufficient for her if I'm unavailable. This is all my flesh as I desire that freedom back. I know I just need to love her through this. But, I am tired. I've got 2 kids who want their "real" mom and one kid who is suffocating me. Where's the balance?
I struggle with feeling, at one moment, so incredibly thankful for the role God has given me as a mom of one child, let alone 4. But, at the next moment I'm grieved over the sacrifices that are demanded of me as I give all I've got to this calling. I know so many moms feel the same way.
And I'm struggling spiritually. I'm confused by the things that my heart desires. Things that I know are led by the Lord, yet I'm alone in it. It's not what Jeff wants. We are one flesh and we try to live that out. So why are we divided in this matter?
I'm praying God redirects me or gives Jeff the same calling. I need some clarity. I'm praying God would purge me of me. That's a scary prayer. I've never known Jeff to do anything out of selfish ambition. I, on the other hand, am very good at making things happen for myself. This is a situation that I truly need to get out of the way and see what GOD wants. But, its a struggle.
So I start my time in the word today with Psalm 3. I walk around lately with my head down heavy with the weight on my shoulders. Then God speaks vs 3 right to me:
"But You, O Lord, are a shield about me, My glory, and the One who lifts my head"
I realize God lifts my head by taking the weight off and carrying it for me. The struggles are still there but they are on His shoulders and I'm in His hands. And for that I rest in Him.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
small summary of happenings
Well, the past two nights have been rough at the Hudler house. The first of the two I had a migraine and Macie had the stomach bug, aka the devil. Last night Cody kept me up with bad dreams all. night. long.. I could literally lay my head down on this keyboard and be fast asleep. But then what would the rest of my household do for the day?
We have had several highlights over the past couple of weeks. Cody's basketball season is almost over and it has ended on a high. At the last game of the regular season Cody scored his first shot of the season and everyone celebrated with him which blesses me so much. He is one of youngest and newest on the team so he has had minimal playing time. We weren't sure he would have a chance to score so it was exciting to end the season that way. The next weekend was the conference tournament. Oh, I forgot to mention that his team won the conference season.
In the first game of the tournament Cody not only scored one shot, but two, and the 2nd was a 3 pointer! It pretty much made his season! They came in 2nd in the Tournament and this weekend is the state tournament.
Another blessing was having the Romania team in town. We were able to spend several days visiting with the missionary who we, our church, work with in Romania and a few of the translators. Macie and I are already in the mindset of missions work. Jeff is going to Romania to serve this summer. And now, even Cody, who never wants to leave home, is talking about his desire to go there sometime. This is answered prayer for me as God draws my heart closer and closer to missions. That's another blog for another day :)
Lastly, Macie has been doing much better in her comfort level regarding being away from me and being involved in other things. I will be leaving town this weekend for 2 nights and I know she is very anxious about it. If you care to, pray for her to be comforted while we are apart.
That's all folks! Praise to God for His goodness!
We have had several highlights over the past couple of weeks. Cody's basketball season is almost over and it has ended on a high. At the last game of the regular season Cody scored his first shot of the season and everyone celebrated with him which blesses me so much. He is one of youngest and newest on the team so he has had minimal playing time. We weren't sure he would have a chance to score so it was exciting to end the season that way. The next weekend was the conference tournament. Oh, I forgot to mention that his team won the conference season.
In the first game of the tournament Cody not only scored one shot, but two, and the 2nd was a 3 pointer! It pretty much made his season! They came in 2nd in the Tournament and this weekend is the state tournament.
Another blessing was having the Romania team in town. We were able to spend several days visiting with the missionary who we, our church, work with in Romania and a few of the translators. Macie and I are already in the mindset of missions work. Jeff is going to Romania to serve this summer. And now, even Cody, who never wants to leave home, is talking about his desire to go there sometime. This is answered prayer for me as God draws my heart closer and closer to missions. That's another blog for another day :)
Lastly, Macie has been doing much better in her comfort level regarding being away from me and being involved in other things. I will be leaving town this weekend for 2 nights and I know she is very anxious about it. If you care to, pray for her to be comforted while we are apart.
That's all folks! Praise to God for His goodness!
Sunday, February 6, 2011
High/Low catch up time :)
Well I've learned that there are people who read this blog that I had no idea were doing so. Thank you for everyone who cares enough about my family and I to check out whats going on in our lives. You bless us!
So this week has had some rough moments and I have pouted a lot over them, which is why I haven't posted in a few days. There have been many highs, but let's face it, I am a pouter and so some times I just need some time.
I think I'll start with the Lows....get 'em over with. I thought about leaving them out but what good would it do to hold back? Save face? I don't want to be a complainer, I have to fight that. But, I do want you to know that I struggle, and that God carries me just as He would carry you when you struggle. So here they go....
Back in March of '10 Macie came down with the stomach bug. She was only really sick for one day and then kinda week the next. But for several weeks after that she just seemed to be declining in her health. She couldn't sleep at night without stomach pains. She wasn't eating right or using the bathroom as normal. She wasn't getting her school work done. She was having headaches. It was strange. Some days would be fine and others rough. It culminated to a fever, vomiting, and vision changes. At first her depth perception was off. The final clincher was development of double vision. At that point, a Sunday, she couldn't see right, she couldn't eat and she couldn't use the bathroom. (pause)
.....gosh, just typing this brings back such scary feelings I had over the health of my daughter....
(resume)
So, off to the hospital we go. Long story short, after a week long visit, and many tests and yucky procedures, she was officially diagnosed with spinal meningitis. This was actually quite a relief since before it was all over they had tested her for leukemia. You never want to hear that your child is gonna be tested for cancer. Never. But oh, praise God, He spared her and us of such a horror. I continue to give thanks for that.
Because of our great relief in the diagnosis once we got our baby home and she was back to herself, we were able to move right on with life. Well, not all of us.
Since then, Macie has been more needed in the areas of bedtime, and separation from us. It took us a long time to understand why she had been struggling but finally the puzzle pieces have started coming together. I believe she was greatly wounded emotionally, psychologically, etc. from that rough experience.
Macie is a tough girl. If you know her personally I feel sure you would agree that she is not like most girls. I think we expected her to move on as we did, though I'm not sure why.
One of the things I hate the most about parenting and really life in general is that moment when you have been handling something in the wrong way but didn't know it and then you just feel like a big 'ole fool.
This week, that's where I've been. I wish had more wisdom. I wish I could spare the heartache I cause by letting my flesh rule when my heart knows better.
Over the past few days Macie has struggled terribly with her emotions. And while she has struggled, I have just grown bitter with frustration over the feeling of bondage as a parent. Feeling like I can't make plans in fear of them being ruined, or missing out something special. This is not an easy confession but I lay it out there to remind myself that it is not my job to be entertained. It is not my place to expect everything to work out in my favor. And its not okay for me to be so self centered that I miss the hurt in my child.
Lord, forgive me.
Friends, Christ laid it all on the cross. Philippians tells us that Christ emptied Himself for our sake, giving up every right He had as God in the flesh so that we would have everything.
And, here I am frustrated with my child who just needs me near b/c I will be inconvenienced. What kind of example am I to her. Because that is not Christ. She has not seen Him in me and that's what breaks my heart. If I desire anything in life it's for others to look at me and see Him instead.
So I'm praying that I will be able to die to self, crucify the flesh, carry my cross in self abandonment as Christ does His work in me.
Ok.
I know this is really long already so I'm listing my High's briefly:
1. Cody's team won a very important game placing them as the number 1 seed. Go Eagles!
2. Our youth meeting on Wed. bless me so much as almost my entire class sat around the table, Bibles in hand, listening to the Word of God. Gold.
3. Spontaneously on Thursday I was able to work out a time to hang out with one of my dearest friends Jessica. Jessica is who I want to be when I grow up. We had a sweet time of conversation and she reminded me, again, of why knowing and following Christ is the ride of your life. Don't Miss It!!!!
4. Friday, my Macie insisted on having a playdate with a beautiful little girl who happens to belong to said Jess from #3. What's so cool about it is that this girl is several years younger than Macie. Do you know many 9 1/2 year olds that plan playdates like that? And they so enjoyed each other!
5. Then on Sat. my Grace came and encouraged me to no end. She is my friend who secretly is actually my little sister. I haven't found the paperwork but I know its true.
And last but not least...
6. Jennifer Mashburn. If you don't already know her, I'm sorry, because you are missing out. Enough said :)
So this week has had some rough moments and I have pouted a lot over them, which is why I haven't posted in a few days. There have been many highs, but let's face it, I am a pouter and so some times I just need some time.
I think I'll start with the Lows....get 'em over with. I thought about leaving them out but what good would it do to hold back? Save face? I don't want to be a complainer, I have to fight that. But, I do want you to know that I struggle, and that God carries me just as He would carry you when you struggle. So here they go....
Back in March of '10 Macie came down with the stomach bug. She was only really sick for one day and then kinda week the next. But for several weeks after that she just seemed to be declining in her health. She couldn't sleep at night without stomach pains. She wasn't eating right or using the bathroom as normal. She wasn't getting her school work done. She was having headaches. It was strange. Some days would be fine and others rough. It culminated to a fever, vomiting, and vision changes. At first her depth perception was off. The final clincher was development of double vision. At that point, a Sunday, she couldn't see right, she couldn't eat and she couldn't use the bathroom. (pause)
.....gosh, just typing this brings back such scary feelings I had over the health of my daughter....
(resume)
So, off to the hospital we go. Long story short, after a week long visit, and many tests and yucky procedures, she was officially diagnosed with spinal meningitis. This was actually quite a relief since before it was all over they had tested her for leukemia. You never want to hear that your child is gonna be tested for cancer. Never. But oh, praise God, He spared her and us of such a horror. I continue to give thanks for that.
Because of our great relief in the diagnosis once we got our baby home and she was back to herself, we were able to move right on with life. Well, not all of us.
Since then, Macie has been more needed in the areas of bedtime, and separation from us. It took us a long time to understand why she had been struggling but finally the puzzle pieces have started coming together. I believe she was greatly wounded emotionally, psychologically, etc. from that rough experience.
Macie is a tough girl. If you know her personally I feel sure you would agree that she is not like most girls. I think we expected her to move on as we did, though I'm not sure why.
One of the things I hate the most about parenting and really life in general is that moment when you have been handling something in the wrong way but didn't know it and then you just feel like a big 'ole fool.
This week, that's where I've been. I wish had more wisdom. I wish I could spare the heartache I cause by letting my flesh rule when my heart knows better.
Over the past few days Macie has struggled terribly with her emotions. And while she has struggled, I have just grown bitter with frustration over the feeling of bondage as a parent. Feeling like I can't make plans in fear of them being ruined, or missing out something special. This is not an easy confession but I lay it out there to remind myself that it is not my job to be entertained. It is not my place to expect everything to work out in my favor. And its not okay for me to be so self centered that I miss the hurt in my child.
Lord, forgive me.
Friends, Christ laid it all on the cross. Philippians tells us that Christ emptied Himself for our sake, giving up every right He had as God in the flesh so that we would have everything.
And, here I am frustrated with my child who just needs me near b/c I will be inconvenienced. What kind of example am I to her. Because that is not Christ. She has not seen Him in me and that's what breaks my heart. If I desire anything in life it's for others to look at me and see Him instead.
So I'm praying that I will be able to die to self, crucify the flesh, carry my cross in self abandonment as Christ does His work in me.
Ok.
I know this is really long already so I'm listing my High's briefly:
1. Cody's team won a very important game placing them as the number 1 seed. Go Eagles!
2. Our youth meeting on Wed. bless me so much as almost my entire class sat around the table, Bibles in hand, listening to the Word of God. Gold.
3. Spontaneously on Thursday I was able to work out a time to hang out with one of my dearest friends Jessica. Jessica is who I want to be when I grow up. We had a sweet time of conversation and she reminded me, again, of why knowing and following Christ is the ride of your life. Don't Miss It!!!!
4. Friday, my Macie insisted on having a playdate with a beautiful little girl who happens to belong to said Jess from #3. What's so cool about it is that this girl is several years younger than Macie. Do you know many 9 1/2 year olds that plan playdates like that? And they so enjoyed each other!
5. Then on Sat. my Grace came and encouraged me to no end. She is my friend who secretly is actually my little sister. I haven't found the paperwork but I know its true.
And last but not least...
6. Jennifer Mashburn. If you don't already know her, I'm sorry, because you are missing out. Enough said :)
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
high/low Tuesday
High:
#1 Classical, a homeschooling program we are a part of, went especially well today. I normally have 5- 4yr old boys. It can be quite interesting some weeks. Two of them were out today so I knew we would have a lot of extra time to fill which can be a bad thing. Trying to keep them happy and entertained is already challenging so I had my concerns this morning.
To my surprise we filled the time up perfectly with little effort and happy boys. I also happen to have really good moms in there with me as well :) It is such a blessing to be a part of a student's learning, seeing him/her gain knowledge and to grow through that learning. It's a treat to me!
Homeschooling is fantastic for so many reasons but to witness firsthand the establishment of knowledge and eventually wisdom is definitely one of the highlights!
#2 Woke up without headache or tummy ache. Yay!
Low:
Struggling a bit today with fostering. In so many cases children in foster care do not know the love of their original family. They are removed because of the effects that lack of love is having or the damage its causing. The 2 little ones we are fostering have a very loving family. Obviously, there have been problems or they wouldn't be with us. But, it is not because they are unloved.
Can't say much about the situation as confidentiality is a must. However, my struggle today has been knowing that we so badly want to add to our family, bring at least one more child into our home to raise, to bring up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. We entered into to this process with those hopes.
Well, that's not the case here.
We are so very thankful these guys have a loving family waiting to be reunited with them. And, we are encouraging their relationship as much as possible. But, in the end, we are still the same, a family of four. Is this what God has for us? And if so, why the burning hole in my heart for more? Why am I not content?
So, just wondering today, as on many days, what the future holds. Praying God will fill the void or move us forward, either in His timing and His will.
#1 Classical, a homeschooling program we are a part of, went especially well today. I normally have 5- 4yr old boys. It can be quite interesting some weeks. Two of them were out today so I knew we would have a lot of extra time to fill which can be a bad thing. Trying to keep them happy and entertained is already challenging so I had my concerns this morning.
To my surprise we filled the time up perfectly with little effort and happy boys. I also happen to have really good moms in there with me as well :) It is such a blessing to be a part of a student's learning, seeing him/her gain knowledge and to grow through that learning. It's a treat to me!
Homeschooling is fantastic for so many reasons but to witness firsthand the establishment of knowledge and eventually wisdom is definitely one of the highlights!
#2 Woke up without headache or tummy ache. Yay!
Low:
Struggling a bit today with fostering. In so many cases children in foster care do not know the love of their original family. They are removed because of the effects that lack of love is having or the damage its causing. The 2 little ones we are fostering have a very loving family. Obviously, there have been problems or they wouldn't be with us. But, it is not because they are unloved.
Can't say much about the situation as confidentiality is a must. However, my struggle today has been knowing that we so badly want to add to our family, bring at least one more child into our home to raise, to bring up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. We entered into to this process with those hopes.
Well, that's not the case here.
We are so very thankful these guys have a loving family waiting to be reunited with them. And, we are encouraging their relationship as much as possible. But, in the end, we are still the same, a family of four. Is this what God has for us? And if so, why the burning hole in my heart for more? Why am I not content?
So, just wondering today, as on many days, what the future holds. Praying God will fill the void or move us forward, either in His timing and His will.
Monday, January 31, 2011
High/Low Monday
High:
#1 Already have received promises of $85 toward the $150 deposit that is due this Sunday for the Idaho trip. I love watching God prove Himself to me again and again. See that's what's so great about prayer. You lift it up and then you watch the reality of God come to life. It's good stuff :) Now I have another reason to lift my praise to Him.
#2 Got signed up for the marriage conference hosted by Kirk Cameron. My whole Bible study group is going which is a pretty fantastic way of bringing our 16 week inductive study on marriage to a close. What a blessing this study and this group of ladies has been to me.
Low:
My tummy and my head have hurt basically all day :(. Hoping to wake up a new woman in the am.
#1 Already have received promises of $85 toward the $150 deposit that is due this Sunday for the Idaho trip. I love watching God prove Himself to me again and again. See that's what's so great about prayer. You lift it up and then you watch the reality of God come to life. It's good stuff :) Now I have another reason to lift my praise to Him.
#2 Got signed up for the marriage conference hosted by Kirk Cameron. My whole Bible study group is going which is a pretty fantastic way of bringing our 16 week inductive study on marriage to a close. What a blessing this study and this group of ladies has been to me.
Low:
My tummy and my head have hurt basically all day :(. Hoping to wake up a new woman in the am.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
High/Low-Sunday
High:
Idaho meeting. Sound strange? Yeah I know....
2 summers ago I had the privilege of going to Romania to participate in missions at a camp there. It was a wonderful trip and it was just the beginning for me when it comes to missions.
I have been a part of many mission minded events having grown up in the church. However, they were just things I joined in on. These days God has given me a heart to be more of a pursuer of missions. I knew Jeff was really wanting to go to Romania this year and I really want him to be able to, but that meant I had less and less chance of making a trip myself, especially oversees or one that was a hefty price.
So, I was burdened and discouraged having an intense desire to do something, go somewhere for the sake of mission work, but having no obvious opportunity. I knew God had given me these desires and I knew He was wanting to use me in this way, but how, where, when?
And then came Idaho :)
The moment I realized this opportunity existed I knew it was for me. It's a construction mission, building a church for believers who have no where to meet and no money to fund a building. It's a mission for fellow believers. I've never really thought of missions being for other believers, only for evangelism type stuff. I'm so excited to think that I will be a part of something that brings believers together and then allows them to evangelize more in their own community. What a privilege it is to help the body of Christ!
I know how thankful I am for my own church and how it consistently reaches out to the community and how much it has blessed my own family. I think we often forget that not everybody has a place to worship, a place to serve and a way to meet needs. There are people in Idaho who don't, but they will soon and I'm thrilled to be a part of it.
Low:
(warning, shameless plug ahead)
I don't have my own money to fund the trip. This means I need donations. This is really pretty normal, people asking for help to take a missions trip. However, one of our financial goals is to have a fund that supports these kind of things. The fact that we have no money to help ourselves for these things bothers me b/c I know if we had made better decisions in the past, we would. So I continue to pray for God's provisions not only for this particular trip, but for all future trips. And not only for ourselves but for the many others who are out winning the world for Christ!
Idaho meeting. Sound strange? Yeah I know....
2 summers ago I had the privilege of going to Romania to participate in missions at a camp there. It was a wonderful trip and it was just the beginning for me when it comes to missions.
I have been a part of many mission minded events having grown up in the church. However, they were just things I joined in on. These days God has given me a heart to be more of a pursuer of missions. I knew Jeff was really wanting to go to Romania this year and I really want him to be able to, but that meant I had less and less chance of making a trip myself, especially oversees or one that was a hefty price.
So, I was burdened and discouraged having an intense desire to do something, go somewhere for the sake of mission work, but having no obvious opportunity. I knew God had given me these desires and I knew He was wanting to use me in this way, but how, where, when?
And then came Idaho :)
The moment I realized this opportunity existed I knew it was for me. It's a construction mission, building a church for believers who have no where to meet and no money to fund a building. It's a mission for fellow believers. I've never really thought of missions being for other believers, only for evangelism type stuff. I'm so excited to think that I will be a part of something that brings believers together and then allows them to evangelize more in their own community. What a privilege it is to help the body of Christ!
I know how thankful I am for my own church and how it consistently reaches out to the community and how much it has blessed my own family. I think we often forget that not everybody has a place to worship, a place to serve and a way to meet needs. There are people in Idaho who don't, but they will soon and I'm thrilled to be a part of it.
Low:
(warning, shameless plug ahead)
I don't have my own money to fund the trip. This means I need donations. This is really pretty normal, people asking for help to take a missions trip. However, one of our financial goals is to have a fund that supports these kind of things. The fact that we have no money to help ourselves for these things bothers me b/c I know if we had made better decisions in the past, we would. So I continue to pray for God's provisions not only for this particular trip, but for all future trips. And not only for ourselves but for the many others who are out winning the world for Christ!
High and Low of Saturday
High:
#1 Jeff cleaned the entire house. I love my man for so many reasons and that is just one of them.
#2 Got some scrapbooking done. Yes, while my husband was cleaning house. I told you he's incredible.
#3 Got grocery shopping done and our house is full of food. At least for a couple of days. Gahlee my kids eat like horses. (I realize gahlee is not really a word)
#4 Cody played outside today which means he's getting better. For having the flu, he has been fortunate with only mild symptoms compared to other cases.
Low:
Realization that I may always be this size. Stink.
So, reading this list and the fact that my size was the only downer of the day I think this post needs a little 'Praise the Lord, Hallelujah' moment.
I often wonder why I have the privilege of living in a free country, having a home, an education, two kids, each gender, a healthy marriage, great doctors, an incredible church, the ability to teach and play with my kids, the ability to mentor others and have such a great spiritual family.
I could so easily be living somewhere else in the world where none of that would be possible. I often wonder too, why has God allowed these things for me. What does He expect out of me? I really feel like He's moving me in different directions so that all He has done for me can bring Him glory. And that is what I truly hope happens!
#1 Jeff cleaned the entire house. I love my man for so many reasons and that is just one of them.
#2 Got some scrapbooking done. Yes, while my husband was cleaning house. I told you he's incredible.
#3 Got grocery shopping done and our house is full of food. At least for a couple of days. Gahlee my kids eat like horses. (I realize gahlee is not really a word)
#4 Cody played outside today which means he's getting better. For having the flu, he has been fortunate with only mild symptoms compared to other cases.
Low:
Realization that I may always be this size. Stink.
So, reading this list and the fact that my size was the only downer of the day I think this post needs a little 'Praise the Lord, Hallelujah' moment.
I often wonder why I have the privilege of living in a free country, having a home, an education, two kids, each gender, a healthy marriage, great doctors, an incredible church, the ability to teach and play with my kids, the ability to mentor others and have such a great spiritual family.
I could so easily be living somewhere else in the world where none of that would be possible. I often wonder too, why has God allowed these things for me. What does He expect out of me? I really feel like He's moving me in different directions so that all He has done for me can bring Him glory. And that is what I truly hope happens!
Friday, January 28, 2011
High/Low of the day
High:
Cody had no fever today and we actually got a satisfactory amount of school work done without much grumbling from anyone.
Low:
Jeff got paid today and the money just doesn't cover it all.
Well it covers every need we have, which is a high, just not some wants. I'm very thankful for God's provisions that He provides through Jeff's amazing career. But, I'd be lying if I didn't confess the dissappointment I have felt today over the desires I have but can't attain.
God is teaching us to do it right and to not mess up our finances ever again, as we use to do so regularly. I'm grateful that God deems me worthy of the lesson but boy is it painful sometimes.
And He has been gracious enough on several occasions to just bless us out of nowhere. We are ever grateful for those moments as well.
I realize I am rich in so many ways and I grieve for those who truly have needs I'll never personally understand.
But the truth remains that I do feel discouraged at times and well today has been one of those. So today's low is more like a confession. There it is. Hope you don't think less of me.
Cody had no fever today and we actually got a satisfactory amount of school work done without much grumbling from anyone.
Low:
Jeff got paid today and the money just doesn't cover it all.
Well it covers every need we have, which is a high, just not some wants. I'm very thankful for God's provisions that He provides through Jeff's amazing career. But, I'd be lying if I didn't confess the dissappointment I have felt today over the desires I have but can't attain.
God is teaching us to do it right and to not mess up our finances ever again, as we use to do so regularly. I'm grateful that God deems me worthy of the lesson but boy is it painful sometimes.
And He has been gracious enough on several occasions to just bless us out of nowhere. We are ever grateful for those moments as well.
I realize I am rich in so many ways and I grieve for those who truly have needs I'll never personally understand.
But the truth remains that I do feel discouraged at times and well today has been one of those. So today's low is more like a confession. There it is. Hope you don't think less of me.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
A new kind of post
I've been thinking lately about how the Bible says that iron sharpens iron and how I know it is so comforting to hear that other people struggle, and that other people celebrate life's great moments as well. It's a great thing to be connected to others in the Highs and Lows of life. So, I'm gonna try to start a series of posts documenting the Highs/Lows of each day. It may bore you to death or it may help you feel some sanity to see you aren't the only one with ridiculous life events :)
So, this is the first, though its very early in the day still.
High: No school and Jeff is home
explanation: I called our school off today. I can do that b/c I'm the only teacher and my husband is the principal :) And we make our own schedules....major perk of homeschooling.
further explanation: Jeff is off on Thursdays and it is always the highlight of our week. He is my best friend and I love doing the routine of our week together on this one day.
Low: The reason I called school off--Cody has the flu. He is pitiful and I hate to see him down and out. Our family always seems to have negative things happen as soon as something fun is about to happen.
A couple of years ago in the early stages of Cody's piano life, he picked out the piece "Arabesque" to try to learn to play. It was quite advanced for him and so he just wasn't ready to master it. Over the past couple of years he has advanced quickly in his piano playing and has continued to have the desire to learn that piece.
He has spent all last semester learning it and has truly mastered it. His teacher and I are so proud of him and he was very ready to play it for the recital.
........which is tomorrow night. bummer. bummer. bummer. He won't get to play. After all that time and effort he will not get to showcase it. He's so disappointed.
I guess it's a good teaching opportunity since God instructs us to boast in nothing but Him. We are anything at all only because He is everything to us.
So that's our high and low for today. Thankful for God's sovereignty in all of it!
So, this is the first, though its very early in the day still.
High: No school and Jeff is home
explanation: I called our school off today. I can do that b/c I'm the only teacher and my husband is the principal :) And we make our own schedules....major perk of homeschooling.
further explanation: Jeff is off on Thursdays and it is always the highlight of our week. He is my best friend and I love doing the routine of our week together on this one day.
Low: The reason I called school off--Cody has the flu. He is pitiful and I hate to see him down and out. Our family always seems to have negative things happen as soon as something fun is about to happen.
A couple of years ago in the early stages of Cody's piano life, he picked out the piece "Arabesque" to try to learn to play. It was quite advanced for him and so he just wasn't ready to master it. Over the past couple of years he has advanced quickly in his piano playing and has continued to have the desire to learn that piece.
He has spent all last semester learning it and has truly mastered it. His teacher and I are so proud of him and he was very ready to play it for the recital.
........which is tomorrow night. bummer. bummer. bummer. He won't get to play. After all that time and effort he will not get to showcase it. He's so disappointed.
I guess it's a good teaching opportunity since God instructs us to boast in nothing but Him. We are anything at all only because He is everything to us.
So that's our high and low for today. Thankful for God's sovereignty in all of it!
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