And Just Like that They're Gone

A little over 5 months ago, we began a new journey as foster parents. It actually started long before that but became very real on Oct. 21 as we received our first placement. Seems like it was yesterday. By about noon today they were officially no longer "ours". Just like that, they are gone. No one can prepare you for the feelings you have when something so involving and demanding is no longer a part of your life. When you invest so much into something, so much of yourself, and it abruptly ends, part of you is left empty. And even if the warning signs were there you still aren't prepared. It's like ripping a band aid off: its fast, its necessary, its timely, and you know it is coming, but it still hurts. Intensely, at least for a moment. Several times today the same bandaid seemed to be pulled at. It was especially difficult when it came time to sign us off as contact at her school. So much effort has been spent in regards to her schooling, catching her up, helping her overcome huge walls. And that was it. We are no longer a part of that. It was especially difficult dropping him off at his home knowing it was forever, not just for 2 hours, and passing his big wheel by the driveway, the one we got him for Christmas. The one he rode almost daily with Cody and Macie. I can not imagine what it is like for a parent to lose a child. We knew they would leave. We wanted that for their whole family. We know they are loved. We have grieved over the sacrifices our family has made. And for the most part there is great relief. Yet, there is a hole in my heart that I never saw coming. It is a grief that I did not consider nor prepare for. So, I am left giving thanks for what God has done. I praise Him for allowing us to be used and I pray that every good thing He did during the last 5 months will last for eternity. And I pray that He will allow me to bask in the wholeness of my family at this very moment.