The Other Side

I've been putting off posting again because I knew I would be writing about him being gone, and frankly I don't want that to be reality.  But it is.  He no longer lives with us.  His sweet, feisty, quick self no longer graces our rooms.  We do miss him so very much.  It is quite different to have a personality like his developing around you day in and day out for a year and then its gone. 

They really can't prepare you for this in foster training.  One can't be prepared to stop being someone's parent when you've spent a year making sure you did everything to the contrary.  And then to know that now, someone else is likely spending time and effort erasing some of those bonds that will forever be in your heart.  Yeah, its gut wrenching. 

Until, the Lord reminds me of His purposes on my life: to participate with Him in planting oaks of righteousness for His glory.  What will J's life look like now?  What will all the prayers I prayed over him mean in the future?  What will your prayers mean for him?  All the times he spent at our church, the testimony of his life, the witness of ours to his family.  What seeds will be watered in their futures because of the past year?  The meager amount of time we gave to him could mean so much to generations to come.  Its overwhelming to think of what good could come out of this temporary aching of our hearts.

I will forever know him as my son.  But, truly he is God's.  As long as God keeps entrusting His to us, we will keep planting seeds, proclaiming that with the Lord comes freedom and joy, all to His glory.

Counting down, Fretfully

We are within the last week of being a full time family to our little guy.  It has been a year.  A year of firsts, a year of celebrations, a year of traditions we have introduced him to, a year of trips together, a year of day in and day out living.  And it comes down to the final week.  How can this be?  How can we willingly and obediently pack him up and send him on his way?  So many foster families have done this, and do this all the time.  But I'm not sure I can.

I really don't understand why God has called us to do this.  We weren't made for this.  This is for someone else.  But here we are.  I hope I never forget every thing he has done that has made me laugh, made my heart love him, or made me feel like a new mom again.  We will continue to foster, somehow, but there will never be another like him.  Three more nights now.  May time stand still....

Blindsided

I've been trying to decide how to post or what to post about the stage we are in with our little guy.  Yesterday marked the 3 week period in which he is scheduled to leave us.  He has been here with us just short of a year and most likely in less than 3 weeks he will be gone.  I have been trying to picture what it will be like in our home without him.  How do we adjust to something like that?  It will be like a death for us and our kids have not had to face something quite like this before.  Little did I know what the Lord was about to allow.

Tuesday morning, a lovely, vibrant, joyful young lady who we knew as Paige met her Savior face to face.  Paige was 20 years old, a student at Appalacian State, and summer intern at our church.  She was an active member in our college program, our youth program, and our children's program; yes all at the same, because that's the kind of person she was.  She radiated life.  No, she was bigger than life, infectious, contagious with goodness and virtue and passion. 

And she wasn't just any amazing young lady.  She was Macie's Paige.  Since the moment they met they were connected in a very special way.  Paige understood Macie in way that few do.  They had connections that I pray the Lord will allow Macie to have again but I can't imagine she ever will.  Paige did things for Macie that we could never thank her enough for.  She knew how to reach Macie.  She knew how to love her so uniquely.  They had so very much in common.  She helped shape her.  I don't know that Macie has ever  loved anyone so wholeheartedly outside of her family like she loved Paige.

I have beautiful pictures of my children and Paige is behind the lens.  And then when I look at the smiles on their faces I know Paige is behind the smiles.

We will always love Paige.  We will always be affected by her. 

 

My Sweet Little Latte

I pray you will know Love.  I pray you will be drawn to His salvation, that you will find His light amidst the darkness your life has known.  I pray His mercy and grace are never far from you and that His purpose for your sweet life are made clear to you at a very young age.  I pray that nothing in your future will hinder his purposes for you.  I pray God will continue to use people to nurture you and to teach you about who He is.

We love you still, and continually.....

Final moments:



  

Images of Our Ministry

These are the images of the ministry God has called us to.  This is why we press on in the face of loss.  We await the beauty of the next child as the current children seem to slip from our grasp.  We long for an adoption to be possible. But God has chosen for us to be a temporary family to children for now.  However, we love them eternally.  They have changed our lives and blessed us so much and I would not change anything. 
These cases aren't closed.  Today they are in my care.  The calendar tells me one thing but it does not rule.  El Elyon, God Most High rules and is trustworthy.  I rest in Him as best I can, as best I know how.  It's all I can do.