Desires

I want to have given them Him more than Him having given them to us. 

This is a bit of a revelation I had after reading Katie's blog tonight.  She has had many children (and adults) come through her door and she has poured her life into them with the ultimate goal of giving them Jesus.

My heart desperately wants to adopt.  We are on our 7th foster child.  Five have come in, lived with us, been loved by us, been adopted by us in our hearts though not on paper, and five have left us to go to their forever home.  Two are currently with us now.  There have been 4 particular that have felt like I birthed them myself, in every way but physical.  They feel like they are a part of me, like they truly belong to me and with this family, forever.

But so far, God has only given us the privilege of being a bridge for them.  And this has been hard on my heart.  I am a mom.  I love being a mom.  I love raising children.  I love the process of discipling, nurturing, exhorting them in the Lord.  I love fighting for them.  So, the thought of adopting children out of a system that hinders all these things in their life as they hang in the balance compels me to keep pressing forward. 

Yet, it can be so very frustrating to give so much and to feel like it's a means to no end when every one of them leaves.  I don't want to hear about how I'm planting seeds or that we are making such a difference in their lives or at least we are giving them a wonderful home while they need it.  I know those things are true and I don't discount them, but I still think, what about our hearts? 

Tonight, however, I am reminded that ultimately when theses 7 are gone, and the next one has come and gone, and then the next, and so on, as long as the Lord uses us in this way, will those children, or their parents be any closer to an eternal home with Him because they spent temporary time in our home?

I have to want to give these children Him more than I want Him to give me them.