Thursday, March 31, 2011
And Just Like that They're Gone
A little over 5 months ago, we began a new journey as foster parents. It actually started long before that but became very real on Oct. 21 as we received our first placement. Seems like it was yesterday. By about noon today they were officially no longer "ours". Just like that, they are gone. No one can prepare you for the feelings you have when something so involving and demanding is no longer a part of your life. When you invest so much into something, so much of yourself, and it abruptly ends, part of you is left empty. And even if the warning signs were there you still aren't prepared. It's like ripping a band aid off: its fast, its necessary, its timely, and you know it is coming, but it still hurts. Intensely, at least for a moment. Several times today the same bandaid seemed to be pulled at. It was especially difficult when it came time to sign us off as contact at her school. So much effort has been spent in regards to her schooling, catching her up, helping her overcome huge walls. And that was it. We are no longer a part of that. It was especially difficult dropping him off at his home knowing it was forever, not just for 2 hours, and passing his big wheel by the driveway, the one we got him for Christmas. The one he rode almost daily with Cody and Macie. I can not imagine what it is like for a parent to lose a child. We knew they would leave. We wanted that for their whole family. We know they are loved. We have grieved over the sacrifices our family has made. And for the most part there is great relief. Yet, there is a hole in my heart that I never saw coming. It is a grief that I did not consider nor prepare for. So, I am left giving thanks for what God has done. I praise Him for allowing us to be used and I pray that every good thing He did during the last 5 months will last for eternity. And I pray that He will allow me to bask in the wholeness of my family at this very moment.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
A Review of the past few weeks
Three Sundays ago I was hit with the start of a series of migraines that would about send me over the edge.
A week into the headaches I left to go to the coast for a women's retreat not realizing I was in the midst of a migraine that would need medical intervention (more than ibuprofen). I spent almost the whole conference in the bed.
I came home and the migraine continued to intensify. Last Tuesday I finally made it into the Headache Center where I got a few shots and a steroid pack. Two days after that the headache was gone, but now I was a monster to everyone around me. Fatigue, acheyness (?sp), and steroids basically turned me into a monster. Macie had already been extremely defiant the first half. I think she was revolting against me b/c not only did I leave out of town for a couple of days, but I then came home sick and unable to give her or any kids any attention. So, between the monster in me and the defiance in her it was a rough week around here.
To top it off, I needed Jeff around daily to not only help me in my sickness but to take care of kids and to fight the battles with Macie that I was not capable of handling. The even more difficult thing was the fact that it was the week leading up to one of the biggest youth events we do all year, D*Weekend.
Jeff spends the whole week each year setting up for the band, the stage, etc for the large group sessions. This was not a week he needed to be stuck at home tending to me and fighting with Macie.
But finally the relief came on Thursday. My head was better by then and Friday Macie and I stopped fighting and things started to relax just in time for the 8 students who would be moving into my home for the weekend showed up.
Then a new nightmare began.
Some time around 7pm Friday night, I think, I'm driving around town running errands with Macie and the two little ones. We had just stopped to pick up dinner and my phone rings, an unknown number. I answer to someone crying and frantic and I couldn't understand. My heart sunk when I realized it was Cody.
He and his bestfriend were staying at the friend's cousin's house for the weekend. They had been outside playing, the three of them alone, when Cody's bestfriend stood up on the front steps and then immediately collapsed into a full seizure. This was happening right before their eyes.
Cody stayed by his friend's side as the cousin ran for help. The adults came out, 911 was called and before long his friend was awake and receiving the care he needed.
When Cody called me it had all just happened and 911 was on the way. He was so frantic as any child would be in that circumstance.
It was a long night, a long weekend actually, for all of us, but I don't think I can grasp what that event was truly like for Cody. The other people who were there have praised Cody for how well he handled the situation and what a good friend he was. The cousin acted heroic as well. She's the same age.
His friend has been stable ever since and is in process of being tested and examined to try to make sense out of what happened. We are obviously still concerned for him and are praying for a clear diagnosis and healing. Please pray with us.
I wonder what God's plan is for this in Cody's life. Cody is so tender and compassionate and he is also very visual. I don't think he will ever forget the image of his bestfriend seizing on the pavement literally right in front of him and the helplessness he felt. How will God use this? How will this contribute to the makeup of who Cody is?
We want to protect our kids from everything harmful. But, if we do are we getting in the way of God's hand over them? I don't want to ever hear a call like that again but I know God is going to allow things in their life that I will be sad about. But I continue to pray that God will mold them into the person He desires them to be in order to bring about His will. So, now I pray that God will equip them to handle everything He allows. And I know He will.
A week into the headaches I left to go to the coast for a women's retreat not realizing I was in the midst of a migraine that would need medical intervention (more than ibuprofen). I spent almost the whole conference in the bed.
I came home and the migraine continued to intensify. Last Tuesday I finally made it into the Headache Center where I got a few shots and a steroid pack. Two days after that the headache was gone, but now I was a monster to everyone around me. Fatigue, acheyness (?sp), and steroids basically turned me into a monster. Macie had already been extremely defiant the first half. I think she was revolting against me b/c not only did I leave out of town for a couple of days, but I then came home sick and unable to give her or any kids any attention. So, between the monster in me and the defiance in her it was a rough week around here.
To top it off, I needed Jeff around daily to not only help me in my sickness but to take care of kids and to fight the battles with Macie that I was not capable of handling. The even more difficult thing was the fact that it was the week leading up to one of the biggest youth events we do all year, D*Weekend.
Jeff spends the whole week each year setting up for the band, the stage, etc for the large group sessions. This was not a week he needed to be stuck at home tending to me and fighting with Macie.
But finally the relief came on Thursday. My head was better by then and Friday Macie and I stopped fighting and things started to relax just in time for the 8 students who would be moving into my home for the weekend showed up.
Then a new nightmare began.
Some time around 7pm Friday night, I think, I'm driving around town running errands with Macie and the two little ones. We had just stopped to pick up dinner and my phone rings, an unknown number. I answer to someone crying and frantic and I couldn't understand. My heart sunk when I realized it was Cody.
He and his bestfriend were staying at the friend's cousin's house for the weekend. They had been outside playing, the three of them alone, when Cody's bestfriend stood up on the front steps and then immediately collapsed into a full seizure. This was happening right before their eyes.
Cody stayed by his friend's side as the cousin ran for help. The adults came out, 911 was called and before long his friend was awake and receiving the care he needed.
When Cody called me it had all just happened and 911 was on the way. He was so frantic as any child would be in that circumstance.
It was a long night, a long weekend actually, for all of us, but I don't think I can grasp what that event was truly like for Cody. The other people who were there have praised Cody for how well he handled the situation and what a good friend he was. The cousin acted heroic as well. She's the same age.
His friend has been stable ever since and is in process of being tested and examined to try to make sense out of what happened. We are obviously still concerned for him and are praying for a clear diagnosis and healing. Please pray with us.
I wonder what God's plan is for this in Cody's life. Cody is so tender and compassionate and he is also very visual. I don't think he will ever forget the image of his bestfriend seizing on the pavement literally right in front of him and the helplessness he felt. How will God use this? How will this contribute to the makeup of who Cody is?
We want to protect our kids from everything harmful. But, if we do are we getting in the way of God's hand over them? I don't want to ever hear a call like that again but I know God is going to allow things in their life that I will be sad about. But I continue to pray that God will mold them into the person He desires them to be in order to bring about His will. So, now I pray that God will equip them to handle everything He allows. And I know He will.
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