A lot has happened since my last post. I really should update more often : /. Baby C, who we had for 3 months, left us to go live with family. We knew from the start that the plan for him was short term for us. It doesn't matter. When a child lives with you and you are their caregiver in the full sense of the word just as any parent is to any child, and then one day they are gone, and you no longer take care of them, and just like that it ends. Your heart breaks.
But God, and experience, has taught us how to love and let go. Its not a place I enjoy, I'm the first to admit. And even still, its not a place I want to continue in. Technically we have had 10 foster children in under 3 years. Sweet Girl S has been with us since Aug. She came at a time when our hearts were literally shattered in the wake of great loss and she has brought us immense joy. To say we don't want to lose her is the greatest understatement of the year. But, yet again, the plan is for this one to leave too.
We had a sweet 4 year old that needed a place to stay for the night while his extended family came to get him after a very difficult day he had. He and Cody spent the evening playing Xbox and I spent the wee hours of the night introducing him to God who was protecting him while his family couldn't. He said he'd not heard of angels or Jesus before :(. Hopefully we planted a seed.
And now we have one of the sweetest baby girls, in my opinion, that we've ever had-baby A. I think she has won me over quicker than any before. She and another sweet girl came to our home on the same day; yep! two babies on the same day! However, because of some special needs that this one has, we decided that the other baby needed to be placed in a different home so we could fully care for this one and give her our 110%. It became clear quickly that it was a smart decision. So, after about a week and 1/2 we were back to two foster children: Sweet Girl S and baby girl A.
We are on that dreaded stretch of counting down our time with S and just beginning our journey with A. What a rollercoaster fostering is. Sometimes I think my heart can't take it anymore. But then I know I just can't stop. To not do what the Lord has so clearly given you as a ministry is worse than to do something painful and to stick with it.
I can't hide that my heart is so very weary. 10 kids and no adoptions. Of course I ask the Lord questions about His plan for us. I cry often over my desires, especially since I'm certain He gave me this one. But I will do everything in my power to obey Him. Because doing His will in His way is the purpose.
Doing His will in His way. This is my purpose.
Every child is so precious and blesses us so very much. That's why we get so attached to them all. And why its so hard to let them go. Fostering allows us to parent many children when so many never get to parent one. For this I give thanks. Jeff and I have, at this point, let 8 children go. But on the flip side we have parented, so far, 12 in our marriage. God has been sweet to us. God gives and takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.
